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Thursday, July 26, 2007

Episode 74: I Fought The Lawn And I Won.



I may not be Ghost Rider but I'm tired, pissed off and I'm taking zero shit...savvy?

Leave it to me to decide to "take on the heavyweight." Dude on The Couch had a project idea for one weekend where he and I would just haul off all the crap in the house we didn't need. No lie, we'd go from room-to-room finding shit roomies past had left behind that we couldn't salvage for anything useful and pop it all into the back of a truck and haul it off somewhere to dump it. Great idea! We slated it for a weekend and I'd take whatever I could by night if Dude would do whatever he could by day. Of course, I'd help in the interim until he went to sleep once I woke up. Cool. Problem...Work had me doing overtime which left me going to bed late. I ended up waking up late as well.

Dude already had everydamnthing out of the back where we were looking to start. I was amazed. Thinking that he'd already hauled all that junk off, I set about honoring my part of it. Well, what I didn't know was that he had gotten the junk out of the house, alright...and into the back freakin' yard. I saw it days later thinking, "Great God, Herbert's gonna shit Texas Longhorns when he sees this!" Since then, it's rained, Dude's construction job took him out to Port Arthur and he hasn't been home the past two weekends. Not having his new cellphone digits plugged into my own communicator left us excommunicado for awhile. In short, we couldn't touch base...at all. I've had to fend off people looking for him and then...this. Trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do with all this junk was beyond my own comprehension.

Finally, a few weeks later, say, oh, Tuesday Night, I had it all figured out and it was no problem. I composed a list of things to do and had it all committed to memory. Wednesday morning I got home late (overtime again) and, after Misty's wakeup call, I set about calling people. It's no secret I let my yard go to hell but when your bills go on the up and up, your pay doesn't change to reflect a balance to that, your lawnmower's been stolen and you're barely able to eat on your own cash...yep...that means hiring the lawnmower guy takes some serious doing. Especially when you're supporting yourself and practically supporting three other people. With all the calling around done, I go to freakin sleep watching Ghost Rider...great movie by the way, I highly recommend it. When I wake up, there are two messages. One from a guy who saw my name as a grassroots contact on 911Truth.org and, of course, the one I didn't want...Herbert the landlord shitting Demonic Texas Longhorns with Satan leading the charge and Pazuzu herding the damned things over the mound behind the house.

I called him back and told him what was going on, letting him know I had it handled. Granted, the guy's been patient with me where most really wouldn't have but this dude was talking ejecting my behind in ten days if I didn't do something within that time frame. Sometimes, some people would rather shoot first and ask questions later, getting sand in their vagina but there were things that he apparently didn't get and I wasn't about to explain that to him for the umpteenth time. The guy's delusional if he thinks anyone else is gonna rent this place from him before we're done with it.

The next one I call is Dude. This was his bright idea. If he'd told me he hadn't hauled it off yet, it could have been fixed that evening with no problems. We had the truck for the whole weekend for fuck's sake! I explain it all to him. My original plan was to move the mound to the front so he'd have an easier time loading it all up into the truck (which he's supposed to secure THIS weekend and take care of this shit that he so nicely helped get me into) and get the Uber Collectors to come around for the bigger shit. Well, that's not happening, you see, that now-smaller mound is staying right where the hell it's at. I'm not doing shit else with it. Why? Check this out. This is going to explain the picture above.

The first thing to be moved was a couch that's been sitting behind the house for the past millennium. I was not made aware that a colony (planet, perhaps?) of fucking ants had settled on the couch and made it a citadel of sorts. Look, that's information that a host like me can use because if a bug bites, it's gonna bite me. Mosquitos, ants, spiders. You name it, it's gonna bite me. I'm not scared of them. I refuse to be frightened of something smaller than me that I can smash en masse. Hell no, fuck that, I'm not cool with that at all. Anyway, I was made very aware when they came out of the goddamn woodwork on one end...the end I needed to push. I had to turn the whole damned thing around. Talk about heavy. This thing was made with one of those hide-a-beds in it. Oh yeah...small task, my half-caste ass! Not only would it NOT be pushed but the ants decided not to let me take it without a fight. Despite the gloves you see me wearing in the pic, they know a ninja's weakness. These fucking things crawled into my gloves and chewed my hands up. Fucking wonderful! It still sucks even an hour or so after the fact but it pissed me off more than it hurt.

I ended up taking the chains I use for decor/hanging t-shirts off my wall and using them for what God had damned well intended. That's right...it was time to combine brute force with pure hell engineering. I looped the longest stretch of chain through the bottom of the couch and over the arm, quicklinked that to a short length of chain and quicklinked the other end to a loop that went around my trunk...over the shoulder. Goddammit, I was never a football player. I was never even a wrestler but this thing was going to learn who was the driving force and who was the inanimate object that would move by force or by choice and neither God nor man would stop me and Nature was looking at getting an ass-kicking from me if she allowed anymore damn landmarks to hang it up. It sits at the curb as we speak. I was sweating worse than Napoleon Dynamite in a house of ill repute on a Saturday night while booze flowed like water from a busted dam. Lord Genocyde - 1 Inanimate Objects - 0.

Round two consisted of a coffee table that had been falling apart and a chair. Both were heavy as they'd taken on water from the recent rains and the heat and humidity didn't do much to help that situation but I carried them over my damn head while that chain was still wrapped around me and dangled from my upper torso. I'm not sure how it may have looked to the average motorist on the street but they're probably figuring that I'm up to something deviant. This would be the only case I'd contest openly with them. Normally, I WOULD be doing something deviant, Mr. Nosy Motorist Motherfucker, but you see, I can't do that today. Nope, I'm a quasi-human beast of a tow-truck and if you don't watch your ass. I'll pierce your damn tongue with this quicklink and proceed to either pull out your tongue or drag your ass up and down this town for exercise, effectively cancelling my membership to the gym, got that?

The last item was a busted washer. My initial desire for this washer's outcome was to haul it off somewhere and use it for target practice but, time simply won't permit that. I found a place to hook the chain and Scorpion dragged it to the front. I had noticed as I was dragging it that it had lost some weight rather drastically somewhere along the way. The weight it lost was it's outer shell. I'd been dragging it's busted insides all the way to the damn curb as the shell sat in my driveway.

I've called the city workers (The Uber Collectors) to tell them what they can expect, showing a little mercy on the ant issue as my last swollen finger is almost back to normal, I've called Dude to let him know that the rest of the mound is waiting on him, I've called Herbert to find out he's shitting normally and is quite happy with the progress (goddamn well better be...I've stayed up this damn late) and I'm calling it a damn day with some Wednesday 13 "American Werewolves In London", a beer, some internet porn and then I'mma go take a shower, listen to The Secret Meeting and fucking die for eight hours. I'm curling up in my coffin and woe be unto him that steps into my crypt via phone, text or alphanumeric page.

I'll fire my underwear at the first one who tries it.

Lord Genocyde - 4 Inanimate objects - 0

Yeah, fuck 'em.
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56 Questions: The Remix

Did this one about a year ago or more...Some of the answers have changed, some haven't. Enjoy.

UNIQUE
1. Nervous Habits - Rapidly Opening And Closing My Butterfly Knife...Still Doing That.

2. Are you double jointed - In Some Areas, Use Your Imagination
.
3. Can you roll your tongue - Oh Yeah!

4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time - Damn skippy!

5. Can you blow spit bubbles - No but he was just here looking for you.

6. Can you cross your eyes - I Can Do All Kinda Shit With My Eyes.

7. Tattoos - Virgin Flesh...unless you count the scars

8. Piercing - Three In Left Ear

9. Do you make your bed daily - Sometimes when I'm not running behind.


CLOTHES
10. Which shoe goes on first - The One That's Destined For Some Poor Fool's Ass

11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? - With Feet Attatched

12. On the average, how much money do you carry - $20...worth of ammunition

13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7 - I have a lotta necklaces but it's usually my crucifix or my Celtic Cross ring...I'd wear my earrings 24/7 if I could...hard to guage up when you can't wear them for any length of time.

14. Favorite piece of clothing - My "9/11 Was An Inside Job" T-Shirt

FOOD
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it - Wrap it around my fork...is that a twirl?

16. Have you ever eaten Spam - Not just any spam...turkey spam

17. Do You Use Extra Salt On Your food - I don't salt my food...I season it.

18. How many cereals in your cabinet - None

19. What's your favorite beverage - Jack Daniels or Diet Coke? Pepsi And Cuervo you fucking communist swine

20. What's your favorite fast food restaurant - Sonic (Hands Down)

21. Do you cook - Yes

GROOMING
22. How often do you brush your teeth - Once after I wake up and once before going to sleep

23. Hair drying method - Hair? What The Fuck is that?

24. Have you ever coloured/highlighted your hair - Dyed it black numerous times when I had it...it was long. Yes, ladies, Swoon at the thought....I miss my hair.

MANNERS
25. Do you swear - Fuck no! That's fucking stupid isn't it? I think swearing is bullshit. Fuck that, I don't do it. But I'll promise like there's no tomorrow.

26. Do you ever spit - Is There A Right Or Wrong Way To Answer This?

FAVOURITE
27. Animal - White Siberian Tigers

28. Food - Chinese

29. Month - October (Autumn In Full, Baby!)

30. Day -31st Halloween...Horror Flick Night. Tradition. 'nuff said.

31. Cartoon - Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Metalocalypse

32. Shoe Brand - Combat/SWAT Style Boots...I feel stupid in tennis shoes unless I'm working out

33. Subject in school - Creative Writing....Aced The Fucker!

34. Color - *in his best Death Metal Growl* BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

35. Sport - *sings to the tune of his new favorite Wednesday* And now I'm on the run...and you know I'm having soooo much fun....being an American Vampire iiiiiiin Looooondoooon!

36. TV show - CNN when I need a really good laugh.

37. Thing to do in the spring - MOUNTAIN BIKE!!!

38. Thing to do in the summer - MOUNTAIN BIKE!!!!

39. Thing to do in the autumn - Horror flicks when I'm not walking.

40. Thing to do in the winter - Long Late-Night Walks


IN AND AROUND
41. In the CD player - The Secret Meeting "Ultrashiver"

42. Person you talk most on the phone with - Misty

43. Reading - A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson

44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows/mirrors - When Evil Looks This Good...Goddamn Right!

45. What color is your bedroom - Same is yours....ok well with the exceptions of the bloodstains...

46. Do you use an alarm clock - I'll not get outta bed til nightfall if I don't

47. Window seat or aisle - I could give a fuck really

DUMB
48.a.) What's your sleeping position - Hanging upside down or submerged in water.

49. Even in hot weather? Does it matter?

50. Do you snore - Yes,

51. Do you sleepwalk - Used To

52. Do you talk in your sleep - I've Been Told That But No One Tells Me What I Said.

53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals - 1 Frog

54. How about with the light on - IT'S FUCKING DAYLIGHT!!!

55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on - Movies Make Great Sleeping Pills and having a portable DVD player helps too.

56. Last interesting person you met - If I'm still talking to you at length, sending you letters or communicating with you in a manner that's friendly, you're the last interesting person I have met.
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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Genocydal Empyre v3.0 News (Hmm...Upgrades)

Hey everyone,

Ok now I know you haven't heard from our camp in awhile. Well, that
stops here and now. First, let me apologize for this rather long wait
that you've had to endure. Many know that I left WorldRock because of
format and we left it with a fuckin' bang. No shit, folks. Fred
marched himself up into WorldRock's world and gave them the hard truth
that night. Everything Fred handed them was a hard pill to swallow but
after the barrage of hardcore factoids, he came in with solutions.
This wasn't just some bullshit rant, full of rhetoric, bereft of
solutions. Nope, this was hard, all-out, in-your-face with a killer
dose of tactful response and the best part, while he's not an
entertainer by profession, he left 'em wantin' more. We hope to set
that up quickly.

Many of you also know that my monitor had developed a shitty black
spot that just seemed to grow and grow and not really get any better.
Just when it would get better, it's progress would halt. Even though I
really couldn't afford it, I splurged later on and grabbed a desk-hog.
Gone are the days of my liberal desk space. But it's ok. I don't need
my damn glasses to type and my Matrix screen-saver looks beautiful on
this monster.

That was the gist of it, we were going to go back on the air nearly
immediately but then...well, that's when things got hairy. Everyone
was screaming at us for a "version change." Initially, I didn't want
to do that and my reasoning behind it was this.

When we started out as The Genocydal Empyre on Hear The Pulse radio,
it was the title of an old band project that was resurrected,
reincarnated and pissed off about getting shelved. The computer and I
were the band leading the charge. Well, when things soured between me
and the station owner, he made huge claims about suing for the
trademarks to "DJ Genocyde" and "The Genocydal Empyre." I told him he
could have both if he wanted them. His overall goal was to ensure that
no one had ever heard of me and if they had, they would think I was
some cheap knock-off of myself. To be honest with you all, the
previous incarnation on Hear The Pulse was the cheap knock-off. Due to
lack of decent programs, equipment and function, I was basically
starting out another Howard Stern wannabe playing metal, goth and
industrial. By the time Krush picked me up after I had already thrown
it all at the previous station owner...they had heard of me and they
were ready for what I had. Still, I had to get the Hear The Pulse
stink off me and get out of it's shadow, so I did what any computer
programmer would do...I made another damn version. I preferred to see
it as Anakin gettin' the Darth Vader technogetup but that's just my
geeky ass.

Anyway, brief history done, you know how it's gone. We've evolved over
the past year or more and now, suddenly, people wanted a version 3.0
(which makes me think that eventually, I'mma just slap a damn Omega
symbol at the end of this title to shut a great many up) and
basically, after the monitor situation was straight, a shift at work
suddenly found themselves with far less manpower than any...or so they
claim. The night we'd scheduled our comeback, I'd been drafted to work
and rumor has it that a damn scout from one of those satellite
stations was tuned in and talking. With that in mind, I've let work
know that the raise we just received is now of little comfort when
they start pulling that bullshit ambiguous "institutional need" shit
on me. When they rolled that one out on me and I saw that the team
actually had more than enough people to cover everything if they'd
just use some friggin' efficient thinking, I could have decked someone
for that. Everything got shelved. Promotions, work on the myspace and
cherrytap sites, contact, the low-budget film...all of it. We decided
to take a vacation. The stress was piling up and the more we thought
about it the more we came to the conclusion that we were making a huge
deal out of nothing and adding more stress onto us. This was supposed
to be fun and lively. This was my escape and it was turning into my
job. When we finally came back on the air, we did three impromptu
shows (those playlists will be included for a total of five.)

The first show was on CherryRock (Simion's channel) and we were met
with a great reception. I was already in sort of a negative mood and
when I took the air (as Simion was ranting and raving about me being
his "mentor" in this business) I decided to piss as many people off as
possible. It backfired. Except for one no-talent, no-personality
assclown who decided, vocally and rudely, that I should be bumped in
favor of him. First, I've never heard of this asshole whom I'm now
referring to as Mr. Kennedy (those of you that watch wrestling know
who I'm talking about) as he's that inconsequential. Secondly, if I'm
already ranting, don't make yourself my target. Third, don't make
yourself my target when 99% of the total listenership is already
agreeing with me. Mr. Kennedy violated all three rules, causing
himself to have a whole lot of angry as hell goths, metalheads,
punkers and industrialites unload on him as well as me. Later on I
took a look in the mirror and still see no concern for that moron.
Look, I'm not made of glass. My ego is not easily shattered but when
I'm on the air, I'm using it to my advantage and the advantages of
everyone aboard this motherfucker. Stand in the way, you get run over.
I've got no time to waste on idiots. Those of you receiving this
letter can count yourselves among those who added the weight in to the
machine that crushes puny fucktards like that and I'm glad to have you
aboard.

The second show was on KrushRadio, albeit delayed, and we discovered
something after doing the Tales From The Weirdside segment. First, I
labelled the goddamn segment wrong and second, this shit was fun
again. Now, I could be as nasty as I wanted to and take direct
potshots at whoever just irritated the hell out of me (Namely Paris
Hilton) and play all the killer music I love the most (Like the stuff
you wicked fuckers send in.) Despite a few hitches, it went well.

The third show was tonight, Darkside Radio. Towards the end was total
annhilation. Misty and Dragonblaze called in so that we could talk
about movies and the conversation disintegrated leaving me screaming
in frustration on the air...literally. Not much there to report but
the impact crater of the show is still there, the loyal fans are still
tuning in and the best part is, I'm saving the really important stuff
for when we begin rolling this machine with some regularity again.

I'm still in talks with CherryRock about possibly doing a show there
as well. Who knows what the future holds.

Ok, that is the good news and in summary:

1. We've upgraded.

2. We'll be "versioning" again later so we never have to do it again

3. We're still just as well received after our long hiatus.

The bad news:

1. We're like Vista...still buggy

2. We're still on the rotational schedule.

3. We're still waiting for that rotational schedule to be a thing of the past.

We're working on that part.

Now, my creative outlets have expanded a bit. I've also been doing
some tie-dyed T-shirts (or at least trying my hand at them) and you
can see the results here with
full photos
and please save the Geno-dyed puns...you have no clue
how many times I've heard them and don't worry, I haven't gone all
hippie or anything, I just love tie-dyed t-shirts and it's been awhile
since I've had one so, I decided to screw about with colors and see
how they came out. You tell me what you think. Most of them still
aren't done yet and the thing is, even though I haven't officially
opened up a business and this was mostly an experiment, I sold one for
$10 my second day of doing them. It was a tank top that got dyed. I'm
thinking of selling some later on though, just for some spending/smoke
cash. You know how it is these days.

Anyway, I'm not gonna sit here and bore you with my bullshit any
longer. I know what you're wanting to see...playlists, right?! Ok,
well, here they are...keep in mind I don't have the dates on these but
these were the last five I did. I'm gonna get more on a regular
schedule later on. Again, I'm sorry about the long waits and the
silence from this end. I just didn't want to send out a newsletter
when we really didn't have any news. Thanks for hanging with us though
and thanks big time for all your patience with us as we went through
some terrible times.

One thing before I post the playlists, for anyone wanting interviews,
(I know we have a SiNDADDY repeat and Fred Brito threepeat in the
works as possible leads) let us know and we're more than happy to do
them because right now, our schedule is open and work hasn't been
asking for volunteers to work our days off lately.

(Playlists Truncated Out Of The Message)

Again, guys thanks for all your patience in all this and thanks for,
again, listening to someone who can amount to the poster child for
A.D.D. at this point.

Rockin' The Police States of AmeriKKKa,
Lord Genocyde.
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Thursday, July 12, 2007

Sprint/Nextel To Customers: Put Up Or Shut Up.

Sprint Drops 1,000 Customers At The End of July

Like many times I post anything to my blogs, people, I wish I were joking.

If you're a Sprint/Nextel customer, consider changing your service. According to the article, they're dropping 1,000 customers as of the end of July. Thier reasons? These customers complain too much.

By evidence of their action, this corporate juggernaut is sending a message to their existing customer base by simply telling them to "Put up or shut up." It was my understanding that when you have unhappy customers, you do whatever is necessary to make them happy in order to keep business. I still remember being told that there are two cardinal rules in the realm of Customer Service. The first is that The Customer Is Always Right. The second is that If The Customer Is Ever Wrong, Refer To The First Rule. In this case, Sprint/Nextel is treating their customer base as though they're a disposable commodity.

Well, I have to say this, Sprint customers, Rise up. I've shown Sony/BMG the power of consumerism and you can too. Yeah, go for it, If you're unhappy with their service, tell them about it. If they see fit to drop you, guess what? There are a load of other carriers that have the same if not better service who will treat you like a damn king or queen to keep your service. I've done a comparison of about four carriers and here is what I've found so far.

1. Virgin Mobile: This is a prepaid service that uses Sprint's network. While it's alright, I wouldn't recommend it. Why? During the aftermath of Rita, my Virgin Mobile would not find a signal anywhere. Many others who had Sprint phones were using my other phone (coming up next) to make phone calls and explain that they were getting no service. This was almost two years ago. Have they solved this problem? That remains to be seen.

2. Cingular/AT&T: No complaints with this one yet. They have even dismissed any charges incurred for ringtones or games that I downloaded that I simply didn't like. I think I've lost service two times during the aftermath of Rita. Not for very long, though. Maybe an hour at the most. After that, it would come back and everything would be back to normal. The most dropped calls I've had was recently when all the updates were made for the upcoming iPhone (Thanks A Freakin' Load, Apple!) but now that that's over, I've been making calls without them being dropped...unless my battery dies. Not just that but their Customer Service has been ultra-friendly and they make sure that I'm 100% happy with what's going on with my phone. They don't just want to have me going, "Ok, I guess that will work." They want me saying, "I can do WHAT?! No kidding?! Gnarly! Alright! Thanks!" Thing is, they won't stop until I'm happy.

3. Verizon: I've talked to several people who've had Verizon's service and those who've had Cingular and switched, only wish they were still with Cingular. That's enough for me not to switch.

4. Centennial: I would have switched to these guys BUT their "blue region" is restricted to the Southern States only and it's a little spotty. I've also learned that I wouldn't be able to take my phone with me if I moved...not good at all. These mobile phones were made mobile for a damn reason and if I can't take it everywhere with me without having to pay for some dumb roaming charge, I don't want it. There's something else. Back when I was going to get my first RAZR, it would have cost me $300 to get one through them that was this crappy "Ice Blue" color that looked like frozen puke. I got a black one through Cingular for like $100. Hmmm...decisions, decisions.

Now these are what I've seen with these four myself and whichever one is your thing is solely up to you. I know what I'm going and staying with for the time being but if you feel like being one of the rest of Sprint's "disposable commodities" I'll simply respect your decision on that. It's your phone, your call. For the rest, tell them you're not second-rate and you're not just gonna take whatever. You're a damned customer and you're never wrong. If they can't accept that, walk...plenty of other services out there.

I think Sprint/Nextel has grown too big for their own good and it's high past time that people start telling corporations like this one what it is they want. If they won't give it to you, walk.

The only shred of decency that Sprint/Nextel has shown is that they are waiving the early termination fees. That's another thing...these companies should earn those early termination fees. If they truly have done everything in their power to keep you happy and make you happy if you're not, then they get it. If they are unable to meet your needs, you should have the option to simply get out and then go with another carrier.

Maybe it's time we told them this. Let's not be happy with second-rate service from a second-rate corporation, let's go full-scale and all-out. Let's tell them that they entered into a contract with us and we're holding up our end of the bargain...when will they hold up theirs?
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Sunday, July 08, 2007

Episode 73: Another Beautiful Mess.

The story of this particular day is all on video. I'm trying to get another video editing program that won't flip out on me (Windows Movie Maker is pissing and moaning about some .dll file having to do with another damn program altogether) and I'll post the video in segments once it's all done. Long story short, I spent 13+ hours making these shirts and enjoyed every second. All the experiments went rather well. Some of these with the large white areas are going to be redipped in another color. As you might be able to tell...I'm having the time of my life with this stuff. Have a look at yesterday's work


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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Episode 72: A Beautiful Mess

I really do not understand how it happened in the first place. To start, I'd fallen asleep on the couch watching Kung-Fu movies. I woke up watching Kung-Fu movies...and with an overwhelming compulsion to create tie-dye t-shirts. Laugh if you must but I'm not joking. I don't know what came over me. It was like this desire, this urge to just do something that I've never done before. This is what happens when I wake up too early. I suppose I could have turned in, going back to sleep but I couldn't stop myself. I got up, got dressed, got myself together and braved the daylight to make a trip across town to the dollar store. No need to take the bike, I thought, I crave music.

I started out the door, my iPod going strong, thinking of the types of designs I wanted to create. I'd consulted a random website on it and thought about what I would need. T-shirts, rubberbands, gloves, and the dye. This, my friends, is evolution...the monkey, the man...and the gun.

The shirts were the ultra cheap type. Thin white cotton t-shirts that underwent shrinkage faster than a pack of Marlboros at an A.A., Rubberbands and the gloves were easy to come by. The dye wasn't so prevalent here and when I did find the dye, there weren't many colors from which to choose. Thankfully, the store did have three of my faves in Scarlet, Black and Purple. I picked up each color in powder and liquid.

Initially, I had contemplated starting this undertaking over the weekend but, having all the materials, these shirts were going to be the experiment and if it's one thing I do well (often, with disasterous results) is experiment.

I began setting up, laying down a garbagebag that had been cut open and taping it to the floor and then laying newspaper over it, taping it down as well. I had to estimate when it came to water in which to mix the powder. My improvised 5-gallon bucket wastebasket would have to serve as the container for the dye. It wasn't like I was going to be eating out of the thing, was it?
And so, it went. Mix the hot water with the powder, starting with the scarlet. Watching water turn blood red was one of the most interesting things I've ever seen. Laying the shirt out flat, I pinched it right about where the sternum would be if the shirt were being worn and I began twisting and pulling until I'd twisted it into a sort of cone shape. Then...I rubberbanded the hell out of it. Once that was done, it went into the bucket to soak.

That's when a really interesting idea came up. It happened when I shook the scarlet water from my gloves and onto the newspaper. I grabbed one of the other shirts, spread it out onto the clean area of the newspaper and began putting my hands into the dye and splattering it all over the shirt. Then...I went mad. I grabbed handfuls of the dye and aggressively threw it onto the shirt and slapping my hands all over it. The end result was something I was really proud of.




I call my wretched creation The Second Degree Murder Shirt. It looks like I aided in the initial Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I did this while waiting on the first shirt to finish soaking. Normally, you'd leave the shirt in the dye for about 15 - 30 minutes. Never one to be outdone by time, I left my shirt in for an hour. After wrestling was over, I pulled the shirt from the Scarlet dye.




I was amazed at what came out. It was still dripping wet but the desired outcome was pretty gnarly if I do say so myself. I then began to wonder just what would happen with the black. I dumped the scarlet and had to chase it out of my bathtub immediately with water before it stained my bathtub. Bad enough I had the Second Degree Murder Shirt hanging out with this thing...the last thing I wanted to do was have to explain a scarlet-stained bathtub if some cop got nosy. Let's face it, they stop to ask me if I'm just out for a damn walk. Geez....paranoia...the game the whole government can play.

Check out the results of the experiment with the black dye. This is where I had to do something different for setup. I ended up having to dismantle one of Dude on The Couch's rakes. I'll buy him another one. I needed the handle for this experiement.


See what I mean? I twisted it around the handle, rubberbanded the hell out of it and used it to both mix and hold the shirt down in the dye. You can see the mess that was made from my adventure with The Second Degree Murder Shirt. And there are my poor, abused gloves. If the bucket looks like I'm carrying what Dubya would end up fighting me over, that's because when the powder mixes with about three gallons of water, it really looks interesting. This was actually the second of the two shirts that went into the black. This is what happened when I pulled it out.




I really loved the "wormhole" effect that this particular tie pattern left behind but it was the first run that inspired me to try it...check it out.




After the drying process, I learned a few things.

1. The dye will truly dye ANYTHING. Even the cotton bag that came with my motocross goggles got dyed and what came out? A circular pattern on it that makes it look like the Oakley "O" logo in X-ray.





I'm thinking about adding in a second color later. Might not...don't know. It's important though, to clean...thourougly, any container you use and it helps to have multiple buckets and a large work area.

2. Rubber bands help in giving the tie dye material it's design. It also adds that "smoke" effect to the whole thing.

3. The way you twist up or bunch your material also contributes to the pattern.

4. Each shirt will come out unique if you're not planning it.

5. The colors will fade unless you wring out the excess dye back into the bucket. They will also fade in the drying process. If you really want your colors vibrant...you might want to use double the amount of dye in three gallons of water. And double the amount of time you soak the material.

6. Add a cup of salt into the dye...it helps intensify the colors.

7. Patterns are contingent on how tightly or loosely you twist, bunch, pleat or fold your material.
The stress I've been under lately...well, I have to say this...I suddenly felt it lift off me. I could see the effort of my work. The only complaint that I have is that I had no one else to share the outcome with...until now. I hope you enjoy the outcome of this experiment as much as I enjoyed the performance of it.