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Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Episode 27: Resist Your Brainwashing

Alright, people, time for a bit of an education about how the device we had formerly known as "The Tube" is brainwashing you...and how you can resist it.

Tonight, as I was sitting here at my desk, drinking my coffee, a commercial came on. It's the typical anti-smoking ad and it's one that stirs the old repressed desire to grab a pack and light one after another, after another. It was then that one line struck me. In red letters against a white screen were the words "Talk To Your Doctor." All the while, the voice said, "Talk to your doctor about prescription options...blah, blah, blah."

It was then that I wanted to know who funded the commercial. I already suspected but I wanted to know. Too bad I didn't see the fine print in time.

I still suspect that the emphasis on the Talk To Your Doctor line wasn't just coincidence. With all the Chantix commercials that drone on incessantly about how effective it is (despite the harmful effects of using Chantix) my suspicions were that it was an ad fully paid for by the pharmaceutical companies.

Look, it's pretty simple. Haven't you ever seen those commercials during election times where Politician A conveniently approves of all media that portrays him or her in a positive light? Doesn't that ever strike you as odd that they never seem to disapprove them or approve the messages that cast them in a negative light? Of course they won't.

Let's go with product marketing for a second as well. Skullcandy is one of the world's best manufacturer of earbuds and headphones. Consider this for one minute and, if you doubt me, go buy a pair and you tell me how you like them. I've used them and can attest to their quality. For a moment, just consider the name...Skullcandy.

The name alone suggest a pair of sweet buds for your head to transmit sound. The packaging displays artwork comprised of skulls grinning back at you in the hopes that you'll recognize it as being conducive to a counterculture tool and then the package's shape is in that of a skateboard.

Is anyone other than me seeing that the target demographic is skateboarders and trick cyclists? Without even realizing it, you and I have bought into the image of being a Xander Cage sort by simply purchasing a pair of headphones that will no more make us cool in that respect than any other headset on the planet.

AT&T and Verizon's media war also continues with Verizon's "There's A Map For That" ad that conveniently leaves out the Edge towers that AT&T still has in operation. AT&T's response is to show you how you'll need two phones to take advantage of simultaneous voice and data on Verizon's service. What they conveniently leave out is the fact that all of your push data is what's coming in as you talk on your smartphone and the fact that they desire to cap the data per month on the iPhone. Nevermind that you're paying for "unlimited" data. What Verizon also fails to tell you is that they have the highest rates of all the carriers and they have no intention of dropping them anytime soon.

After doing a small bit of research it becomes apparent that the only thing that you can count on is that companies everywhere will tell you the truth as long as they get to leave some of the truth out of the equation. In the end, you can't say they were misleading because they can back up their initial claims.

My advice: Look Before You Leap.
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Sunday, December 27, 2009

Wish.exe Extension

I rarely, if ever, write something like this but I wanna keep this one short, simple and to the point. The state of Texas has been hiding behind a "Tough On Crime" stance in order to be dicks with shoes. If you haven't been by Tammi's blog (texastammi.blogspot.com) then you should go and read up.

I actually talked with her by phone the other day and, from what I'm hearing, it doesn't look good at all.

I wanted to take this opportunity to wish her the best of luck tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll get the text message that everything is alright. If not, I have another letter to write tomorrow to send off.
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Saturday, December 26, 2009

Random Thought of The Day

I've always kinda wondered about superheroes like Spider-Man and Daredevil....and if they ever shit their tights the first time they decided that swinging around from buildings and leaping from high places reeked of "awesome."
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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Episode 26: Snowblind

I thought that, when I moved into the North, I'd never see the intensity of the sun killing my sight but I know that I was wrong.

Near blizzard conditions happened on Saturday. My poor new PT Cruiser was buried in snow while I was at work. My new manager and I took our phones and filmed the progression of it all. Keep in mind, I have never driven in snow. I've seen snow all of maybe three or four times in my life and nothing compared to the awesomeness that was this snowfall. Normally, you only see this kinda thing in movies. The snow fell...and fell...and fell. The wind howled outside blowing freshly fallen snow off of their mounds and into the air. It literally moved like sand in a windblown desert. I'd ventured out into it several times and found myself tromping through the stuff. It fell and the layer outside became thicker and thicker. By the time we closed, I had to rock my car out of the stuff. I drove half the speed limit and getting home was no easy task.

The next day was no easier. I had to open which meant I had to dig my car out of the snow first, warm it up and then I spent most of the drive nearly sliding sideways. It was by far the most terrifying experience ever. All I wanted to do was go home and get comfy. I couldn't believe just how bad snow could get in the North. As terrible as it was, I'd still rather deal with that than hurricanes. Hurricanes wreck things. Hurricanes wreck entire cities and snow...well, you just have to be careful.

The snow is still around. Slowly but surely, it's melting off of the back roads. All of the main roads are clear now but what the weather is calling for is sleet and rain. I don't know but I've been told that the rain, if enough, will wash the snow away. I'm fine with the snow going away now. Mainly because of the holdup it's presenting. Plus, there's the ice to worry about. Walking along the sidewalks is proving to be perilous as well. Spots of black ice are all over the place. One wrong step and you're on the ground, my friend.

What I couldn't believe in terms of the snow was how it could increase the intensity of the sun. When everything around you is white, the sun just becomes more than a mere enemy, it becomes a tyrant devoid of mercy. Sun's rays reflecting off of the white, sparkling, undisturbed snow, make my lenses go the darkest they've ever been. Even still...the sun is still bright as hell.

The cold isn't so much what bothers me. I'm used to that and I'm perfectly at home in it. It's the wind. In the snow up here, I could actually venture outdoors without my jacket, hat and gloves but once the wind starts kicking, those become a necessity. Jersey residents must be insane. There are still people that will go out and shop in this type of weather. The streets are a deathtrap and the smell of consumerism still lingers. Granted, it's not heavy but it's still there. Worse yet, people still don't make it worth their while or ours. I can't tell you how many requests I'd had for a discount because they'd had to dig their way out of their driveways. I'm all for making customers happy but I had to dig my way out to make it to work and brave conditions that no sane person would just to make it there. I would say we're even.

It would seem that behavior of most wealthy people becomes more and more insulting during the holiday season. Not really sure why but the way I see it, I'm happy as hell I'm not one of them. If you ever find me living amongst those people, you'll find that I'm not going to be the neighbor they like. They're only one of the many reasons I support legalizing marijuana. Seems that most marketing should target stoners anyway. Don't think I'm crazy just yet. Let's seriously think about this for a minute.

First, the wealthy didn't get that way by spending the money, they got that way by penny pinching no matter how much they had. Stoners with questionable math skills, however...hell, all they want is something flashy and pretty to look at and play with, right? Right! So, the wrong audience is being targeted. Second, you'd never have to worry about the registers being short. Most of these people would probably tip the employees pretty heavily. Third, there's no real "selling" that has to be done...you just kinda talk to 'em. Show them something flashy with pretty colors and that item is going out the door quickly.

Then again, most of them might have sense enough to stay the hell home on a day when the roads become lethal.

Anyway, I think I'm done ranting really. My Christmas blog will be following soon.
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Stuff And Things: The Clinch Wallet

Guys, I know there is a huge problem for all of us. I can address it as the Huge Damn Pain In The Ass.

The Huge Damn Pain In The Ass happens with only one thing...a new wallet. How many times have we sat only to find our posteriors in complete discomfort as we try to break in that new eelskin or the new sporty nylon wallets we get and you know as well as I do that, when they fall apart, and they always do, there's the joy and the pain of a new one. It's that fat lump in your butt that causes you to have hip alignment problems. Those cheap and crappy photo holders fall apart or the photo gets all jacked up from sitting in your wallet and all manner of crap goes into it...unless you're just a minimalist and, even then, that new wallet will kill you.

It's that break-in period that gets us, isn't it? Pain and suffering just don't become us.

What if there was a wallet that distributes everything evenly? What if there was one that you could put your stuff into and not have to worry about sitting on a lump? What if it would hold all your stuff securely and be less of a worry for you? What if that break in period was so unnoticeable that you could just use it immediately without even knowing it was there?

You can thank Louis Kiss. He made that possible.

Let me tell you a bit about him first. He's not only a Hollywood Stuntman and one hell of a guy but he's also a genius. If you haven't heard of him by now, you damn well better look him up and make friends with him because you can look forward to all kinds of pain in your butt if you haven't.

He also created The Grab-It Pack (available through www.thinkgeek.com or www.grabitpack.com) but that's not the object that I'm here to tell you about.

See, life is situational, you know. You can't always run around looking like a Han Solo/Snake Plissken lovechild so, you have to carry a wallet at times. Louis understands this as well and, as such, brought his genius to the table.

So what is this object that is so awesome that it's interchangeable for your professional as well as your personal life?

Enter The Clinch Wallet.

www.clinchwallet.com

In brief, no more cheap, crappy plastic holders that turn your photos inside out and fall apart in the process, no more break in period that does nothing but bring you grief and everything is accessable within mere seconds of opening the wallet. Three main compartments hold your cash and passport and whatever else you want it to hold. The windows hold photos, IDs and even important business cards and those slots hold onto your credit cards without letting them go.

The thing's about $15 (roughly) but, take it from me...it's worth every penny.

Now...let's get down to it. You know I don't post about anything unless I've used it so let me give you my take on it.

I've had mine for less than a week and have done some sorting and resorting just based on how quickly I want to access my stuff and in order of priority. Now that I'm settled into it, it was broken in in less than 12 hours and without one iota of pain. Talk about awesome. Two of the credit card compartments were a little too small to fit something the size of a credit card in there BUT, I have two small tool cards that took those spots and it's filling my needs. That was the only problem I've had with it. Co-workers of mine and customers alike have been intrigued when I pull it out to grab one of my tool cards because they can't believe something that seems so big came out of my back pocket. Take it from me, unless you're a child, it will fit into that back pocket of yours.

The chain that comes with it is pretty light but, should it ever break, a new length of chain from a pet store and a couple of "S" hooks oughtta do just fine. Bottom line is that the thing is going to stick out of your back pocket...keep that chain on.

Keep that chain on, that is, unless you're using your Grab It Pack. Not surprisingly, the wallet's chain can be removed and you can pack it around inside your Grab It without it taking up too much space. So let's say you're like me and you like carrying around a PDA as well sometimes...now it's not going to bulge like you have a small gun in there.

With how awesome this thing is, it's time to ask yourself. Sure, $15 or so might seem a little steep but how's your endurance on that lump pressing itself painfully into your hip right now? Yeah, thought so.

Final Thoughts: The Grab It Pack was a hard act to follow but The Clinch Wallet has gone well beyond proving itself. If you were to liken the world of gear for lugging your essentials to wrestling....D-Generation X just formed and is taking the world by storm

Links Just To Remind You:
www.grabitpack.com
www.clinchwallet.com
www.thinkgeek.com

For what it's worth...tell Louis that Damien sent ya.
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Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Episode 25: Watch Your Language

Before you go batshit crazy on me, hear me out here. Did you know that the English language is the hardest in the world to learn? Know why? It's because there's so much slang out there.

Let me get to you on a cerebral level here. Lend me your brains for a minute and I'm going to show you why you should question everything...even what I have to say.

Let's go back to that fiasco about China's "Lead" scare. Sure thing, we outsource production to other countries because they can make stuff for pennies on the dollar and then, just when you think all is well we get to take a few doses of some bad medicine. Let's examine what happened when the Great and Powerful "Lead" Chinese made (still makes?) our stuff.

First, the quality was certainly worth the cost of production. Nothing lasts.

Second, it was overpriced and no honest, working American could afford it. Am I the only guy that remembers when a Ninja Turtle figure cost about five bucks? Now, they're damn near twelve! Jeez!

Third...lead-based paints.

Well, that just "lead" to people going batshit insane and wouldn't you know it...it ended up going way over the line.

I think we can all agree that we didn't want lead-based paint in our products. I mean, we've all been warned of all the danger to us, our health, the environment...

and we started screaming "NO LEAD PRODUCTS FROM CHINA!"

Well, the Chinese were happier than pigs in shit to oblige us...and so was the anti-gun lobby. Yeah, but what the hell did THEY have to bitch about?

What are bullets made of, guys? See, I have to illustrate this completely through so you'll understand.

The Anatomy of A Bullet:

A bullet from a gun is composed of several parts. First, you have to have a shell casing, a primer, powder and the actual bullet itself.

Once the firing pin strikes the primer, the primer causes the gunpowder in the shell casing to heat up rapidly. There's not a whole lotta room in that shell casing and so there's the explosion, sending a lead projectile down the barrel in a twist and finally it flies through the air at rapid speed, into the target. Then, the shell casing is ejected.

So which part is lead? The shell casing is made of brass and not much more than that, the primer is ...hell I dunno what it is and gunpowder is gunpowder but the bullet itself...that part that comes out of the gun is lead...through and through.

So why is a bullet composed of lead? Well, kids, that's because when a bullet enters a target, it must mushroom and dump it's energy midway through the target to do the most damage. If it just went through the target, sure, it might get messed up but there might be someone or something you don't want to shoot behind the target. When it mushrooms, it dumps the energy it's carrying and does massive tissue damage. Internal organs are screwed and you might as well call it a wrap on the deer or intruder you shot.

The anti-gun called your cries a victory and the Red Lead Chinese were only happy to help them and you along. No more lead bullets being shipped from overseas and then...we had a run on ammunition in just about all fifty states.

Now, during the summer, there was that whole Manny Ramirez thing. I'm sure you remember that he tested positive for "Performance Enhancing Drugs."

Okay, let's just say I'm new to this whole thing and I don't know a thing about sports. Better yet...let's not pretend. I'm nearly totally illiterate when it comes to sports so I must ask, what drugs was it that Manny was testing positive for and why should this matter to me as a potential sports fan? Were you really looking out for his health or were you merely worried that he cheated and do these supposed drugs fall into the realm of cheating to gain an unfair advantage? In that case, why not allow all players to use these drugs if the advantage is so unfair?

Do you know that I'm not getting answers to these and it's now into late Autumn/early Winter?

That leads me to believe one thing, the impending cries of "NO PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS" are on their way and that worries me.

As an avid Vitamin C user, I can honestly say that I haven't been feeling sick this year. It's been one of the few where I was actually able to ward off most sicknesses that do tend to plague me on a regular basis and, I don't mind telling you, I feel great day in and day out. I get up feeling like a million bucks and I just don't stop going. I don't do "energy drinks" because I just crash two hours later. Every day at work, I deal with the crap people give me and still maintain a fairly decent enough attitude to get through my day without just falling out at the end of it. Obviously, Vitamin C has enhanced my performance but, really, let's start meaning what it is we say and start saying what we mean.

If you don't want someone doing steroids as a means to get ahead, by all means, say so but beware of these broad generalizations...they're doing more harm than good.

Oh and by the way, if anyone thinks I'm splitting hairs...all I have to say is that I remember what happened the last time.

People, watch your language.