Why I Can't Take Tammi Anywhere.

Okay, now I know that many women all over the world say that men as a whole do things that are utterly embarrassing to them in public. What you don't understand is that there are women who do these things as well.

This is the story of one day's wild randomness with a hint of a Fuck You Cannon that got aimed toward me at it's end.

It took me awhile to get to the address she'd given me. Two days of hitching rides and signing autographs from truckers who liked using laptops with wireless internet connections to listen to my show turned out to be a harrowing experience. I was almost certain one of these truckers was completely twisted on drugs whenever he talked of the Alien being he was transporting in his trailer to Area 51. Nevertheless, I'd arrived in Texas and the mayhem that I'd experienced on the road turned out to be just a prelude to the madness that was to come.

The greetings were all hugs and smiles. My own tortured flesh had recieved little to no daylight in the travel, making the horrid scarring less apparent. A long conversation ensued and, after a moment, a silence filled the room.

"Come on," she said, "Let's go, I have something to show you."

I thought that if she had something to show me, that it would be something I'd possibly never seen before. While I barely knew her and most of what I knew of her came from blogs, emails and IMs, I thought this would be something interesting. It didn't take long to reach the storage unit and I wondered what it was we were doing here. Perhaps another large tube filled with green luminescent liquid contained another lifeless corpse of an alien. When she opened it, there was only one of those foam noodles kids used for swimming. She was grinning at me and giving me these looks that I thought were somewhat leering in nature. Then....it happened.



This...is wrong....funny...but wrong

I stood in complete shock. She was really enjoying herself. Her moans of ecstacy were reverberating off the walls of the tin and others who were at their respective units came to see what was going on. I smiled and nodded to them as the entire act began to resemble something from one of those movies featuring famous strippers really getting into their X-Rated dances. I must admit, I was really beginning to wish we had a stereo system. I was just about to enjoy myself when...



Should I Be Seeing This?

At this point, I was unable to tell whether this was part of the X-Rated Experience or if she was attempting in full to imitate the French Taunter from Monty Python And The Holy Grail. Had I known I was going to be in for a day like today, I'd have taken along my collection of bobby socks for which I have an extreme fetish.

I heard gasps of horror behind me. Others were applauding with me. I knew only one thing...Bunny was not going to like hearing about this particular day and Rayne was going to give me hell about it later.

I won't go into the rest of what she did. Some of it was as masochistic and depraved...even by my standards.



Okay! Okay! It Was A Joke!

Now before Tammi gets hotter than a Summer Day in the Middle of July on the planet Mercury, I now reveal to you this little fact.

Tammi, YOU'VE JUST BEEN PUNK'D!

In all honesty, the pictures actually surfaced from Ringo. Tammi tricked me into signing up another account on that thing when I can't even remember my password from the first one. Well, I saw the pics and I thought, "Oh that's so wrong...but I can't stop looking."

So Tammi, I hope you're not pissed at me for this little light-hearted joke. Trust me, it could be worse, I have a pic of Fred with Dubya that's really convincing.

LOL Hey, what are friends (fiends perhaps?) for, right?