The Best Christmas Gifts Of Them All.
This Year...I Give You The Gift Of Laughter
There are a great many things I haven't done yet. I haven't started on the promo CDs, I never went Christmas shopping, I still haven't written reviews for a whole lotta CDs that came in in a rush. Still, I will get to each of those. Now, though, is that time for a well-deserved break.
Many harp on the Christmas/Yule/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah Holiday as though it's another stress in life. I must admit that, for some, it can be. For me, though, it's always meant walking around looking at the different houses lit up with strings of various multicolored lights that blinked, stayed lit and chased each other. Normally, I'd even set up a tree and hang my own small collection of ornaments from it. This year, however, was different. The usual ritual of attending the annual dual parties hosted at my grandma's and my parents' place was still a mainstay. Each year we all gather and each year we eat until we're all stuffed.
Then there's Annie. Each year since she was born from my ex-girlfriend, Kali, and adopted by my aunt and uncle due to her long string of medical problems, I've faked a smile for her but deep within, I'd felt nothing but sadness for her. I am prone to say that I take pity on no one...sympathy yes but never pity. This small, beautiful child is the exception. I cannot conceive the suffering she's been through and I doubt that even she can. Still, I'd look at her and I'd think ill of myself for not being able to do more for her. While not biologically her father I was the only thing she knew of a dad for the first two months of her life. I've sworn to myself that should she ever be harmed by anyone, that unfortunate swine would suffer a wrath far greater than has ever been noted in recorded history...at my hands, no less. Each year, she wouldn't recognize me. Each year seemed to take this child that I loved to no end into a farther separation from me.
I'd prepared myself for that this year, keeping my thoughts on the good things that have been happening to me over this past year and preparing myself to watch from seemingly afar as Annie would play. I expected to see the little toddler that I remembered but when I stepped in, a beautiful child, four years of age, rushed me at the door, wanting a hug and saying, "Marry Chrimmus! Hi! Eat sumpin!" I never showed it but I was stunned. It takes much to shock one such as I but this time, deep within, I'd nearly had my feet taken out from under me.
My arrival was late, having filled in for Orchid on KrushRadio last night but still, Annie didn't care about any of that. She reached her little hand up and clutched one of the chains that hung at my side. It's one of those biker type wallets and I've always modified the chains to make extra length or to just make it look as though there were three attatched. She took the bottommost chain and practically hauled me into the kitchen trying in her own way to show me where everything was and as I prepared my own dinner, she was pulling at me again, trying to get my attention. In her other little hand was a Winnie The Pooh fork and a Piglet spreading knife. She was handing them to me.
Normally, I pass myself off for Evil Incarnate, The Principles Of Evil Made Flesh, a terrible, imposing and frightening icon that is to be feared but in that one moment, all of that went away. In the mind of this small child, she only wanted to ensure that I was well-fed and no less and she would even give up her own utensils to ensure that that happened. Many of you reading this are wondering if I used them. I'll ruin my reputation now...I did. Everyone, my grandma included, thought me to be some sideways fool and insisted that I use the usual silverware. I refused. This little girl was seeing to it at the tender age of four that everyone was entertained and that her new puppy, Cowboy, was left to his sleep. If this would make her happy then Winnie The Pooh and Piglet would be used to aid in my consumption of the Christmas meal and that would be the end of it.
Throughout the evening's festivities, Annie danced to her Disney princess theme songs CD with all eyes on her. Annie took center stage that night. As any of us would step outside to smoke she'd say, "Byyyyyyyyye!" and would insist on doing so, even if we reassured her we weren't leaving just yet. I stayed even after Mom, Dad and both my younger siblings left. I wanted to hang out with her and she showed that she was happy I stayed. Finally, after a time, she began to pack all of her presents into a bag and tell everyone "Byyyyyyye!" meaning she was ready to leave. My aunt and uncle had began to pack up things and I decided that maybe it was time I left too. Before I left, Annie gave me one last hug and said, "I wuv ooo...marry chrimmus!"
Maybe there was recognition there. Maybe she just didn't give a shit either way. Maybe, to her, family was just that...family and she loved them no matter what.
I usually rant about how much life, the world as it is, humanity as a collective, and all the other shit pisses me off, but one look through her eyes at that one moment in time...it wasn't so bad.
The party at my folks' place is usually tinged with neuroses of some sort. Maybe a constant static variety of sarcasm, ridicule at things or whatever the menu has to offer. Again, this year was different. For the past three years, my mom has themed the gifts at things aimed at my childhood, that was no different. For the second year in a row Star Wars was the theme. Most of it were the collectable toys they stick in the kids meals at Burger King accompanied by all six of the Episode-Themed watches. Most of the toys I'd already acquired (geeky, I know but you gotta understand...I love that series) but some of them I hadn't. I'd gained two more Darth Vaders (the rarity of the collections) and there are still a great many I haven't sorted through yet. There was a book on the construction of the sets for each movie, all three of the prequels, a big damned Crocodile Dundee type knife that my dad got me, a few different types of oils for a scented lamp that I have and a Star Wars Revenge Of The Sith Calendar. According to my mom, this was not all.
She'd been discussing my fanaticism for the Star Wars franchise and it's story with a friend of hers when a man came into the florist shop where she worked. He, of course, listened and interjected. His wife had been a collector of things to collect and he had some Star Wars memorabilia and he had no idea what to do with it. He'd given her two large boxes of this stuff as a gift to me. When I finally got the chance to sort through the menagerie of things in this box, I found some unidentifiable playset, an Ewok village playset still in one piece, several loose figures including some rarities like an original Han Solo, Lando Calrissian, Boba Fett, An Ewok, and a Luke Skywalker in Bespin fatigues that was still in it's original packaging. There was a Rebel Transport ship that had pieces missing, a Millennium Falcon that had parts missing as well, an Empire Strikes Back Blaster or two and many many other things that would keep me occupied for days.
During the party we took pictures and, of course, my little brother began screwing about during them, eliminating all possibilities and hopes of a family Christmas portrait as the film ran out with each of his comedic takes. Then, the topic of the Hurricane came up. Nobody likes to talk about it but my little brother began doing impressions of Geraldo Rivera, Sheppard Smith and an assortment of weathermen getting blown about during the hurricane in completely Jim Carrey Absurdity type fashion, which kept us in stitches for hours. Even I laughed in hysterics, nearly unable to breathe.
When I got home, I took a breather. I kicked back and tuned in to Cyberage Radio on KUNM out of Albuquerqe. I had to do that through my computer, folks, my radio's not that powerful. During the show I tried to call in but either the phone was busy or it rang and rang. Finally, when I got through, I had a long conversation with Tommy T. Tommy T. is the mastermind behind DSBP Records, and his bands on the label include but are not limited to Diverje, Electro-Synthetic Rebellion, and In-Fused and the man hosts Cyberage Radio late at night on KUNM. I honestly didn't know he could get away with half the stuff he gets away with on the air. For the first time, I heard Tommy go completely crazy on the air. The man started to sound like me but when I got through, I found out why. I won't go into that but I found out that Tommy and I are a lot alike and as we drank and talked, we were on a wavelength that could almost be described as spooky by others who didn't know what was going on.
When the conversation was over, I talked with Helen and during that time, I realized many many things. It wasn't what I'd gotten for Christmas that made me happy. It's what I realized I already had.
This Christmas, my 27th, has been the happiest one by far. As Tommy and I discussed, we may always strive to have all that we want but we know that when we have it all, we'll never be as happy as we are now.
Thanks Tommy! Thanks Helen (My Bunny)! Thank you all!
I have my friends, I have my home, I have the love of people all over who mean a lot to me. Maybe many of you will never know what that means to me but someday soon I hope to show you. Normally, I'm a mass of negativity. Normally, I'm holding on to anger because it is what drives me. I don't profess that I don't hate people, I do sometimes but it's never permanent. I have a strong disliking for things as they are in some ways but then I realize that it's not what I get that matters, it's what I already have.
I've ranted about the Yuppie Scum who are doing a seek and destroy mission of our individual expressions of what this season means to us but they can't take mine. No legislation will keep me from expressing it...ever.
This Christmas, I've realized that I've had and have held onto the greatest gifts of them all...love and laughter...and may your upcoming year be filled with it.
It's been my longest post yet people. Just remember though, this was a labor of love for me and it made me exceedingly happy to do it.
There's no proper way to end this really. I'll just come out and say it.
Merry Christmas...Happy New Year!
Many harp on the Christmas/Yule/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah Holiday as though it's another stress in life. I must admit that, for some, it can be. For me, though, it's always meant walking around looking at the different houses lit up with strings of various multicolored lights that blinked, stayed lit and chased each other. Normally, I'd even set up a tree and hang my own small collection of ornaments from it. This year, however, was different. The usual ritual of attending the annual dual parties hosted at my grandma's and my parents' place was still a mainstay. Each year we all gather and each year we eat until we're all stuffed.
Then there's Annie. Each year since she was born from my ex-girlfriend, Kali, and adopted by my aunt and uncle due to her long string of medical problems, I've faked a smile for her but deep within, I'd felt nothing but sadness for her. I am prone to say that I take pity on no one...sympathy yes but never pity. This small, beautiful child is the exception. I cannot conceive the suffering she's been through and I doubt that even she can. Still, I'd look at her and I'd think ill of myself for not being able to do more for her. While not biologically her father I was the only thing she knew of a dad for the first two months of her life. I've sworn to myself that should she ever be harmed by anyone, that unfortunate swine would suffer a wrath far greater than has ever been noted in recorded history...at my hands, no less. Each year, she wouldn't recognize me. Each year seemed to take this child that I loved to no end into a farther separation from me.
I'd prepared myself for that this year, keeping my thoughts on the good things that have been happening to me over this past year and preparing myself to watch from seemingly afar as Annie would play. I expected to see the little toddler that I remembered but when I stepped in, a beautiful child, four years of age, rushed me at the door, wanting a hug and saying, "Marry Chrimmus! Hi! Eat sumpin!" I never showed it but I was stunned. It takes much to shock one such as I but this time, deep within, I'd nearly had my feet taken out from under me.
My arrival was late, having filled in for Orchid on KrushRadio last night but still, Annie didn't care about any of that. She reached her little hand up and clutched one of the chains that hung at my side. It's one of those biker type wallets and I've always modified the chains to make extra length or to just make it look as though there were three attatched. She took the bottommost chain and practically hauled me into the kitchen trying in her own way to show me where everything was and as I prepared my own dinner, she was pulling at me again, trying to get my attention. In her other little hand was a Winnie The Pooh fork and a Piglet spreading knife. She was handing them to me.
Normally, I pass myself off for Evil Incarnate, The Principles Of Evil Made Flesh, a terrible, imposing and frightening icon that is to be feared but in that one moment, all of that went away. In the mind of this small child, she only wanted to ensure that I was well-fed and no less and she would even give up her own utensils to ensure that that happened. Many of you reading this are wondering if I used them. I'll ruin my reputation now...I did. Everyone, my grandma included, thought me to be some sideways fool and insisted that I use the usual silverware. I refused. This little girl was seeing to it at the tender age of four that everyone was entertained and that her new puppy, Cowboy, was left to his sleep. If this would make her happy then Winnie The Pooh and Piglet would be used to aid in my consumption of the Christmas meal and that would be the end of it.
Throughout the evening's festivities, Annie danced to her Disney princess theme songs CD with all eyes on her. Annie took center stage that night. As any of us would step outside to smoke she'd say, "Byyyyyyyyye!" and would insist on doing so, even if we reassured her we weren't leaving just yet. I stayed even after Mom, Dad and both my younger siblings left. I wanted to hang out with her and she showed that she was happy I stayed. Finally, after a time, she began to pack all of her presents into a bag and tell everyone "Byyyyyyye!" meaning she was ready to leave. My aunt and uncle had began to pack up things and I decided that maybe it was time I left too. Before I left, Annie gave me one last hug and said, "I wuv ooo...marry chrimmus!"
Maybe there was recognition there. Maybe she just didn't give a shit either way. Maybe, to her, family was just that...family and she loved them no matter what.
I usually rant about how much life, the world as it is, humanity as a collective, and all the other shit pisses me off, but one look through her eyes at that one moment in time...it wasn't so bad.
The party at my folks' place is usually tinged with neuroses of some sort. Maybe a constant static variety of sarcasm, ridicule at things or whatever the menu has to offer. Again, this year was different. For the past three years, my mom has themed the gifts at things aimed at my childhood, that was no different. For the second year in a row Star Wars was the theme. Most of it were the collectable toys they stick in the kids meals at Burger King accompanied by all six of the Episode-Themed watches. Most of the toys I'd already acquired (geeky, I know but you gotta understand...I love that series) but some of them I hadn't. I'd gained two more Darth Vaders (the rarity of the collections) and there are still a great many I haven't sorted through yet. There was a book on the construction of the sets for each movie, all three of the prequels, a big damned Crocodile Dundee type knife that my dad got me, a few different types of oils for a scented lamp that I have and a Star Wars Revenge Of The Sith Calendar. According to my mom, this was not all.
She'd been discussing my fanaticism for the Star Wars franchise and it's story with a friend of hers when a man came into the florist shop where she worked. He, of course, listened and interjected. His wife had been a collector of things to collect and he had some Star Wars memorabilia and he had no idea what to do with it. He'd given her two large boxes of this stuff as a gift to me. When I finally got the chance to sort through the menagerie of things in this box, I found some unidentifiable playset, an Ewok village playset still in one piece, several loose figures including some rarities like an original Han Solo, Lando Calrissian, Boba Fett, An Ewok, and a Luke Skywalker in Bespin fatigues that was still in it's original packaging. There was a Rebel Transport ship that had pieces missing, a Millennium Falcon that had parts missing as well, an Empire Strikes Back Blaster or two and many many other things that would keep me occupied for days.
During the party we took pictures and, of course, my little brother began screwing about during them, eliminating all possibilities and hopes of a family Christmas portrait as the film ran out with each of his comedic takes. Then, the topic of the Hurricane came up. Nobody likes to talk about it but my little brother began doing impressions of Geraldo Rivera, Sheppard Smith and an assortment of weathermen getting blown about during the hurricane in completely Jim Carrey Absurdity type fashion, which kept us in stitches for hours. Even I laughed in hysterics, nearly unable to breathe.
When I got home, I took a breather. I kicked back and tuned in to Cyberage Radio on KUNM out of Albuquerqe. I had to do that through my computer, folks, my radio's not that powerful. During the show I tried to call in but either the phone was busy or it rang and rang. Finally, when I got through, I had a long conversation with Tommy T. Tommy T. is the mastermind behind DSBP Records, and his bands on the label include but are not limited to Diverje, Electro-Synthetic Rebellion, and In-Fused and the man hosts Cyberage Radio late at night on KUNM. I honestly didn't know he could get away with half the stuff he gets away with on the air. For the first time, I heard Tommy go completely crazy on the air. The man started to sound like me but when I got through, I found out why. I won't go into that but I found out that Tommy and I are a lot alike and as we drank and talked, we were on a wavelength that could almost be described as spooky by others who didn't know what was going on.
When the conversation was over, I talked with Helen and during that time, I realized many many things. It wasn't what I'd gotten for Christmas that made me happy. It's what I realized I already had.
This Christmas, my 27th, has been the happiest one by far. As Tommy and I discussed, we may always strive to have all that we want but we know that when we have it all, we'll never be as happy as we are now.
Thanks Tommy! Thanks Helen (My Bunny)! Thank you all!
I have my friends, I have my home, I have the love of people all over who mean a lot to me. Maybe many of you will never know what that means to me but someday soon I hope to show you. Normally, I'm a mass of negativity. Normally, I'm holding on to anger because it is what drives me. I don't profess that I don't hate people, I do sometimes but it's never permanent. I have a strong disliking for things as they are in some ways but then I realize that it's not what I get that matters, it's what I already have.
I've ranted about the Yuppie Scum who are doing a seek and destroy mission of our individual expressions of what this season means to us but they can't take mine. No legislation will keep me from expressing it...ever.
This Christmas, I've realized that I've had and have held onto the greatest gifts of them all...love and laughter...and may your upcoming year be filled with it.
It's been my longest post yet people. Just remember though, this was a labor of love for me and it made me exceedingly happy to do it.
There's no proper way to end this really. I'll just come out and say it.
Merry Christmas...Happy New Year!
posted by Lord Genocyde at 11:54 PM
1 Comments:
Happy Late Christmas!!
I spent last night listening to your jamz plus the interview w/ Fred Brito,and I have to say!! That was awesome from beginning to end....you are just the coolest! You and Fred hit on alot of major issues and addressed so many things that needed to be understood and dealt with.
Loved it!
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