Episode 11: You're Experiencing Mechanical Destruction
Okay, I have a few things about which I feel the need to vent. Maybe one of you can make heads or tails of my predicaments or maybe you can't. If it doesn't interest you, cool, ignore it.
The Church of The Cathode Ray Tek Shop is where I work for a reason. There are things I know and some I don't. Chances are, if I don't use it often, I'll know as much about it as what you read on the web. Seeing as how we have God and technology sort of ass-backwards, I'm going to break it down to you in commandments.
1. Thou shalt opt for Divine Intervention plans.
This is the first and most important commandment of them all. Why? Because the rest of you teknoweenies don't know shit. If you're about opening the casing and fucking with the inner works, that's fine and I have no problem with that. You will, however, void the warranty and if you fixed your relative's laptop two weeks ago because it got fried in a power surge, wonderful. Guess what? I'm not fucking impressed.
2. Thou shalt not get irate with thy TekPriests:
Remember, we are the initiated. You come to us with questions, we may or may not give you the answer. We hold the power, you do not. If you don't have the time it takes to let us help you settle your tek issue, I don't want to fucking hear it. Stop by when you do have the time and don't get shitty with me and ask me "Do you actually work here?" The Lord of The Engines fucking HATES that and thou shalt suffer dearly for that. See, it's simple. If you're shitty to us, we have no reason to help you. Your money won't be worth shit. If you're patient with us and nice to us, we still won't go the extra mile. We'll go seven...for you...because you're cool with us.
3. Thou shalt not describe problems in vague terms:
Look, simply put. I don't know what the fuck you're on about when you want that wire that plugs into that thing at the back of that doo-hickey. If you don't think that you will be able to remember what the fuck you're coming in for, write it down.
4. Thou shalt pay attention:
This is amplification to the vague terms. If you didn't pay attention to what your cable guy said, don't expect me to know what the hell your problem is. He was there, I wasn't.
5. If thou hast found an item cheaper elsewhere, thou shalt politely excuse thyself and buy it there:
This is another bit of bullshit I have to deal with. I know that those high-speed HDMI cables are expensive and, if I could, I would just give you the one that came with my camera since I don't need it but I don't have it with me, you've been shitty with me and guess what? that HDMI cable that you're bitching about is only going to be the start of your issues. Got that, broheem?
High Def TV stuff was going to be expensive from the start and if you thought any of it was going to be cheap, thou art deserving of much laughter and ridicule. I don't give a shit about how much it is elsewhere, I don't work there and guess what, you have a choice to make. Sucks, don't it?
6. Thou shalt communicate with others when in doubt:
If you carry a cellphone but are confused about an issue from home, do yourself and me a favor...call the fuck home! If your significant other referred you to us and sent you to get something that you didn't write down, just call. It's the simplest solution to your problem and it helps me to help you. If you don't want to do that, fine, refer to the clarification on Commandment #3.
7. The number of days for a return shall be 30:
Wake up call, people, we give you thirty days for a reason. Past that, what we can do for you dwindles. If you really want to know what our return policy is, check out those reciepts. Yeah, that big fucking scroll we print up for you tells you everything. If what you bought didn't work within thirty days, bring it back and let us replace it or refund your money. Past that...well, I hope you followed Commandment Numero Uno or you can consider yourself in TekHell for comission of a mortal sin.
8. Thou shalt not be shocked at battery prices:
I shall explain. Cellphones and cordless phones have batteries that are fucking expensive. On the lower end, batteries for cordless phones run about $14 but can approach $30 on the high end. Cellphones have batteries that run as low as $35 but can reach up into the $60 range. Those little button cell watch batteries? Yeah, they can get a little on the pricey side because they run about $5 a shot. It's not quantum physics, people. Don't get yourself into a quandary. It's a power source and it will run out eventually. If you can't handle it, don't buy the device. I didn't price those so don't violate Commandment #2. Wanna know how to get batteries for free for a year or so? See Commandment #1.
9. Thou shalt not struggle with merchandise:
Okay, this is one that has us as TekPriests laughing at YOU. You see those big, beige hooks upon which certain electronic items hang? Yes, well, tug all you like...they're not comin off. I, however, hold your key to passage. I can remove it from said hook for you. Tug once, I shall forgive. Tug more than that and I reserve the right to think that you're the dumbest motherfucker to walk the planet.
10. Thou shalt observe hours of operation:
It doesn't matter if you see the TekPriests milling around inside. Let's observe some elements here. One may be counting the registers, another is cleaning a counter or a display. Hey, the lights...not all of them are on. Now, do thyself a favor and scan your watch. Does that time read the same or even later than what's on the sign? Through logical deduction, that would mean we're CLOSED! Tugging at the door once is forgiven. Not everyone can be observant that first time but the second and third makes me wonder how Natural Selection missed you.
Okay, now, onward to other things. The suspension on my truck was fixed and I thought that would be the end of my mechanical troubles but it wasn't. Keep in mind that work alone cost over $3K. Now, I faced a new problem. My primary flash drive began corrupting data left and right. I managed to save some of my pictures but I lost everything else...all my mailing addresses, letter templates, promotional info, etc, etc. Ready to know why? Well, it seems, I did a stupid thing. I kept the flash drive plugged in as I worked on the files...and kept doing that for over a year. Eventually, the circutboard warped and the data became corrupt. I was lucky to have saved what few pictures I did.
Now, let's go back to The First Commandment. Had I purchased this small device prior to my initiation/ordination along with the Divine Protection Plan, I could have it replaced. Problem was that I snagged it at a WalMart in Louisiana. I'm out my data and my hardware. I'm sure I have some of my stuff backed up somewhere but I'll have to search through my discs. If I do have it backed up, I'll have saved my writings. If not, I'm screwed.
New TekRule (Subcommandment #1:) Flash Drive - Plug In, Pull File, Pull Out...when finished...Plug In, Sync Up, Pull Out. Never Leave It Plugged In! Always Back Up Files!
I could have died when my data was lost. When it happened, I'm not sure. All I remember is thinking, "Why, oh why didn't I back that drive up a long time ago?"
Let's go with a quick breakdown. Lexar's Firefly drive was the one that failed on me. I have two of them. I'm not storing anything of importance to the second. According to some with whom I've spoken, Lexars have a history of failure. This is the only one with which I've had a problem, personally, but let's just say that my trust isn't exactly there. SanDisk makes a good flash drive (The Cruzer) and holds up pretty well under the stress but if you're planning on using it a lot, obey Commandment #1 for each of the flash drives you buy under that brand...you're going to need it. Kingston, I've heard, are the top of the line. The really shitty part is that I had actually picked up two Kingston DataTravellers at WalMart at only $5 a pop and thought they were inferior due to the price. Boy, was I wrong. Because of that, I've used them as standbys and not anything more. I just never used them much. Since I've already had one of the Lexars fail on me, I figured, why not replace it? Why settle for second rate when I could have the baddest of the bunch?
I went on to surf cyberspace in search of Kingstons as a means of data storage. I hit paydirt. A pack of four barely cost me $40 and they were in the range of 4GB per drive. I was in elation. The next day, I'd spoken with two other initiates and the High Priest about the issue concerning my troubles with storage mediums. I bought ten double sided miniature DVDs and split them with Misty. She hasn't had any trouble out of the flash drives I've given her but I'm not taking any chances. I offered to split the new drives with her but she only wanted one out of the four.
At least I settled that issue. So, let's break this down. RAM went to hell in my desktop, Suspension was fucked on my truck, the flash drive...Sometimes, they do come in threes.
Fours...forgot the PSP issue. Shit.
Now, final point to make...the economy. I understand that times are tough on everyone. I understand that there's not really much money to go 'round for people these days. That's sort of a given. There really are many ways out and I've advocated even some of the more insane methods but let's get one thing very straight. If you like your local Church TekShop staying open, we want to help you keep it open but you have to remember we need your help to do it.
When we make offers and you turn them down, we understand but you have to also understand something...when four locations in your area have failed to stay open past a certain length of time, it's not on us. It's not because we didn't work our asses off. We might have annoyed and even enraged you with our sermons on various devices but none of those are the reason the Church packed up shop. Church locations pack up and consolidate and you have to drive a little more out of your way because you didn't want to hear about anything we had to offer. Sure, I won't lie, The Council of The Lord of The Engines does need your money...and so do we. Yes, the offers we set forth are how we make that money but it is also how your local Church TekShop stays open.
The equation is simple when a shop closes down, another one opens and then the process repeats, it should be pretty obvious what's happening.
The best definition of the word Insanity is the repetition of the same actions and expecting different results.
The Church of The Cathode Ray Tek Shop is where I work for a reason. There are things I know and some I don't. Chances are, if I don't use it often, I'll know as much about it as what you read on the web. Seeing as how we have God and technology sort of ass-backwards, I'm going to break it down to you in commandments.
1. Thou shalt opt for Divine Intervention plans.
This is the first and most important commandment of them all. Why? Because the rest of you teknoweenies don't know shit. If you're about opening the casing and fucking with the inner works, that's fine and I have no problem with that. You will, however, void the warranty and if you fixed your relative's laptop two weeks ago because it got fried in a power surge, wonderful. Guess what? I'm not fucking impressed.
2. Thou shalt not get irate with thy TekPriests:
Remember, we are the initiated. You come to us with questions, we may or may not give you the answer. We hold the power, you do not. If you don't have the time it takes to let us help you settle your tek issue, I don't want to fucking hear it. Stop by when you do have the time and don't get shitty with me and ask me "Do you actually work here?" The Lord of The Engines fucking HATES that and thou shalt suffer dearly for that. See, it's simple. If you're shitty to us, we have no reason to help you. Your money won't be worth shit. If you're patient with us and nice to us, we still won't go the extra mile. We'll go seven...for you...because you're cool with us.
3. Thou shalt not describe problems in vague terms:
Look, simply put. I don't know what the fuck you're on about when you want that wire that plugs into that thing at the back of that doo-hickey. If you don't think that you will be able to remember what the fuck you're coming in for, write it down.
4. Thou shalt pay attention:
This is amplification to the vague terms. If you didn't pay attention to what your cable guy said, don't expect me to know what the hell your problem is. He was there, I wasn't.
5. If thou hast found an item cheaper elsewhere, thou shalt politely excuse thyself and buy it there:
This is another bit of bullshit I have to deal with. I know that those high-speed HDMI cables are expensive and, if I could, I would just give you the one that came with my camera since I don't need it but I don't have it with me, you've been shitty with me and guess what? that HDMI cable that you're bitching about is only going to be the start of your issues. Got that, broheem?
High Def TV stuff was going to be expensive from the start and if you thought any of it was going to be cheap, thou art deserving of much laughter and ridicule. I don't give a shit about how much it is elsewhere, I don't work there and guess what, you have a choice to make. Sucks, don't it?
6. Thou shalt communicate with others when in doubt:
If you carry a cellphone but are confused about an issue from home, do yourself and me a favor...call the fuck home! If your significant other referred you to us and sent you to get something that you didn't write down, just call. It's the simplest solution to your problem and it helps me to help you. If you don't want to do that, fine, refer to the clarification on Commandment #3.
7. The number of days for a return shall be 30:
Wake up call, people, we give you thirty days for a reason. Past that, what we can do for you dwindles. If you really want to know what our return policy is, check out those reciepts. Yeah, that big fucking scroll we print up for you tells you everything. If what you bought didn't work within thirty days, bring it back and let us replace it or refund your money. Past that...well, I hope you followed Commandment Numero Uno or you can consider yourself in TekHell for comission of a mortal sin.
8. Thou shalt not be shocked at battery prices:
I shall explain. Cellphones and cordless phones have batteries that are fucking expensive. On the lower end, batteries for cordless phones run about $14 but can approach $30 on the high end. Cellphones have batteries that run as low as $35 but can reach up into the $60 range. Those little button cell watch batteries? Yeah, they can get a little on the pricey side because they run about $5 a shot. It's not quantum physics, people. Don't get yourself into a quandary. It's a power source and it will run out eventually. If you can't handle it, don't buy the device. I didn't price those so don't violate Commandment #2. Wanna know how to get batteries for free for a year or so? See Commandment #1.
9. Thou shalt not struggle with merchandise:
Okay, this is one that has us as TekPriests laughing at YOU. You see those big, beige hooks upon which certain electronic items hang? Yes, well, tug all you like...they're not comin off. I, however, hold your key to passage. I can remove it from said hook for you. Tug once, I shall forgive. Tug more than that and I reserve the right to think that you're the dumbest motherfucker to walk the planet.
10. Thou shalt observe hours of operation:
It doesn't matter if you see the TekPriests milling around inside. Let's observe some elements here. One may be counting the registers, another is cleaning a counter or a display. Hey, the lights...not all of them are on. Now, do thyself a favor and scan your watch. Does that time read the same or even later than what's on the sign? Through logical deduction, that would mean we're CLOSED! Tugging at the door once is forgiven. Not everyone can be observant that first time but the second and third makes me wonder how Natural Selection missed you.
Okay, now, onward to other things. The suspension on my truck was fixed and I thought that would be the end of my mechanical troubles but it wasn't. Keep in mind that work alone cost over $3K. Now, I faced a new problem. My primary flash drive began corrupting data left and right. I managed to save some of my pictures but I lost everything else...all my mailing addresses, letter templates, promotional info, etc, etc. Ready to know why? Well, it seems, I did a stupid thing. I kept the flash drive plugged in as I worked on the files...and kept doing that for over a year. Eventually, the circutboard warped and the data became corrupt. I was lucky to have saved what few pictures I did.
Now, let's go back to The First Commandment. Had I purchased this small device prior to my initiation/ordination along with the Divine Protection Plan, I could have it replaced. Problem was that I snagged it at a WalMart in Louisiana. I'm out my data and my hardware. I'm sure I have some of my stuff backed up somewhere but I'll have to search through my discs. If I do have it backed up, I'll have saved my writings. If not, I'm screwed.
New TekRule (Subcommandment #1:) Flash Drive - Plug In, Pull File, Pull Out...when finished...Plug In, Sync Up, Pull Out. Never Leave It Plugged In! Always Back Up Files!
I could have died when my data was lost. When it happened, I'm not sure. All I remember is thinking, "Why, oh why didn't I back that drive up a long time ago?"
Let's go with a quick breakdown. Lexar's Firefly drive was the one that failed on me. I have two of them. I'm not storing anything of importance to the second. According to some with whom I've spoken, Lexars have a history of failure. This is the only one with which I've had a problem, personally, but let's just say that my trust isn't exactly there. SanDisk makes a good flash drive (The Cruzer) and holds up pretty well under the stress but if you're planning on using it a lot, obey Commandment #1 for each of the flash drives you buy under that brand...you're going to need it. Kingston, I've heard, are the top of the line. The really shitty part is that I had actually picked up two Kingston DataTravellers at WalMart at only $5 a pop and thought they were inferior due to the price. Boy, was I wrong. Because of that, I've used them as standbys and not anything more. I just never used them much. Since I've already had one of the Lexars fail on me, I figured, why not replace it? Why settle for second rate when I could have the baddest of the bunch?
I went on to surf cyberspace in search of Kingstons as a means of data storage. I hit paydirt. A pack of four barely cost me $40 and they were in the range of 4GB per drive. I was in elation. The next day, I'd spoken with two other initiates and the High Priest about the issue concerning my troubles with storage mediums. I bought ten double sided miniature DVDs and split them with Misty. She hasn't had any trouble out of the flash drives I've given her but I'm not taking any chances. I offered to split the new drives with her but she only wanted one out of the four.
At least I settled that issue. So, let's break this down. RAM went to hell in my desktop, Suspension was fucked on my truck, the flash drive...Sometimes, they do come in threes.
Fours...forgot the PSP issue. Shit.
Now, final point to make...the economy. I understand that times are tough on everyone. I understand that there's not really much money to go 'round for people these days. That's sort of a given. There really are many ways out and I've advocated even some of the more insane methods but let's get one thing very straight. If you like your local Church TekShop staying open, we want to help you keep it open but you have to remember we need your help to do it.
When we make offers and you turn them down, we understand but you have to also understand something...when four locations in your area have failed to stay open past a certain length of time, it's not on us. It's not because we didn't work our asses off. We might have annoyed and even enraged you with our sermons on various devices but none of those are the reason the Church packed up shop. Church locations pack up and consolidate and you have to drive a little more out of your way because you didn't want to hear about anything we had to offer. Sure, I won't lie, The Council of The Lord of The Engines does need your money...and so do we. Yes, the offers we set forth are how we make that money but it is also how your local Church TekShop stays open.
The equation is simple when a shop closes down, another one opens and then the process repeats, it should be pretty obvious what's happening.
The best definition of the word Insanity is the repetition of the same actions and expecting different results.
posted by Lord Genocyde at 9:59 PM
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