Episode 5: Freelance Teknosapien No More
About goddamned time someone hired me. Got a call a few days ago while trying to figure out what was wrong with Lillian's engine. Misty's niece comes across as a bubblehead but she's anything but that. She just doesn't know jack about engines. Me...I know a little and I guess that's enough. To have a little expertise in an area is enough.
I'd interviewed for Church of The Cathode Ray Tek Shop (no, I'm not telling you motherfuckers where I actually work...only the privileged few get that info) after getting a phone call from one of their reps. Finally, working within the realm of technology. Something I'll actually fucking enjoy for a change. Base pay is crap but the commissions will supplement that. I'm sure I'll actually make it. So anyway, I'm at the hospital, listening to the Escape from L.A. score...fitting, isn't it? That's when they call. I was pissed. Some idiot just interrupted my Snake Plissken groove...it had better be good. I was already frustrated as it was. Found out it was CoTCRTS and all was immediately forgiven.
After the phone call, I was still frustrated. Mainly because of an ongoing battle between iTunes and my damn bank that had been raging for weeks. You guys know that I'm only restricted to downloading freebie apps now? Yeah. Well, I'll get back to that because it's still going on.
Anyway, I dressed to the nines (basically made myself look like a hitman Tony Soprano would hire) and headed there for the interview. No problems at all. It went exceedingly well. Red ties really do work well, don't they? Something about black and red colors screams "HIRE THIS DUDE!!!"
It was while I was working on Lillian's engine trouble that I spotted it. I'd remembered it from my grease monkey days...a 2.7 Liter V6 engine produced in 2000....there were two models. One model took 6 quarts of oil...the other took four and a half. This was the four and a half model and it looked to have more than the required amount of oil from the dipstick's indications. Fuckola, the mechanics to whom she'd taken it were looking to blow up her engine!
"Don't...fucking...drive...this...thing," I told her, "Not unless you want your engine blowing itself to Kingdom Come and beyond."
I got the phone call shortly after I finished with the engine. Time to onboard with The Church of The Cathode Ray...I'm as good as hired. We took care of all of that today. Now...time to get crackin' on the work and sell, sell, sell. That's right, I'm pushing all of you into my world...the brightly-lit and glamorous world of cyberspace where you can get anything, be anyone, say whatever and break down the walls. I'll show you our final bastion of free society left in the world. I'm the bad seed, your designated driver of the datastream, your teknotourguide of this electronic landscape. It's comin' at ya...blazing like a Sirocco, blazing across the land into your town, into your home, slamming into your radio like a super charged nano particle of dark energy, messing with your mind. It's a landscape of blasphemies and truths with cultures both malignant and benign, full of sound and fury but all...signifying something. Where do you want to go? Our journey is long and better than any drug you've ever tried. If you think I'm joking, I can clearly show you examples that I'm not.
Now...let's talk Apple. Everytime I've ever needed to change contact or payment info, there's never been a problem. Now, it seems like since I got this new card from my bank...nothing's worked right. Apple says it's my bank, my bank says it's Apple and the story only snowballs every time I have had to tell it. A wonderful representative of Apple named James and his console cowboy partner Enrique did everything they could to help me, including getting me to an internal investigator. Let's hope that pans out. I need that Magic: The Gathering Deck Builder.
Oh, yeah...sorcery. Magic...I'm playing that again. I'd lost every game I'd played until the other night, my rough Pandora Deck actually "decked" Darrin. Getting Decked means that you have no cards left to draw and you lose by default. Nevermind that he played the Wrath of God card twice which destroys all creatures on the board and another card that kills lands. Those four good punches just weren't enough to keep me on the ropes or down. I may be tournament material soon.
It was a lot like watching Rocky. He kept getting his ass kicked but he refused to stay down. It wasn't even tournament time and I was playing like it was. It had to have been frustrating. In this instance, I was the manifestation of evil that just toyed with him until he was too exhausted and had nothing left to give. In the words of Daniel Day Lewis from the film "Gangs of New York", "Good Morning, Priest." He threw the Kitchen sink at me and it didn't stop me from unleashing my hellish hordes on him. In the end, it was only one of my many good soldiers that did him in. It just wouldn't leave him alone.
He has vowed revenge. He will have his opportunity. Only this time, I won't be as forgiving.
One more thing before I'm out...Terminator Salvation and Angels & Demons are definitely worthwhile movies to see.
I'd interviewed for Church of The Cathode Ray Tek Shop (no, I'm not telling you motherfuckers where I actually work...only the privileged few get that info) after getting a phone call from one of their reps. Finally, working within the realm of technology. Something I'll actually fucking enjoy for a change. Base pay is crap but the commissions will supplement that. I'm sure I'll actually make it. So anyway, I'm at the hospital, listening to the Escape from L.A. score...fitting, isn't it? That's when they call. I was pissed. Some idiot just interrupted my Snake Plissken groove...it had better be good. I was already frustrated as it was. Found out it was CoTCRTS and all was immediately forgiven.
After the phone call, I was still frustrated. Mainly because of an ongoing battle between iTunes and my damn bank that had been raging for weeks. You guys know that I'm only restricted to downloading freebie apps now? Yeah. Well, I'll get back to that because it's still going on.
Anyway, I dressed to the nines (basically made myself look like a hitman Tony Soprano would hire) and headed there for the interview. No problems at all. It went exceedingly well. Red ties really do work well, don't they? Something about black and red colors screams "HIRE THIS DUDE!!!"
It was while I was working on Lillian's engine trouble that I spotted it. I'd remembered it from my grease monkey days...a 2.7 Liter V6 engine produced in 2000....there were two models. One model took 6 quarts of oil...the other took four and a half. This was the four and a half model and it looked to have more than the required amount of oil from the dipstick's indications. Fuckola, the mechanics to whom she'd taken it were looking to blow up her engine!
"Don't...fucking...drive...this...thing," I told her, "Not unless you want your engine blowing itself to Kingdom Come and beyond."
I got the phone call shortly after I finished with the engine. Time to onboard with The Church of The Cathode Ray...I'm as good as hired. We took care of all of that today. Now...time to get crackin' on the work and sell, sell, sell. That's right, I'm pushing all of you into my world...the brightly-lit and glamorous world of cyberspace where you can get anything, be anyone, say whatever and break down the walls. I'll show you our final bastion of free society left in the world. I'm the bad seed, your designated driver of the datastream, your teknotourguide of this electronic landscape. It's comin' at ya...blazing like a Sirocco, blazing across the land into your town, into your home, slamming into your radio like a super charged nano particle of dark energy, messing with your mind. It's a landscape of blasphemies and truths with cultures both malignant and benign, full of sound and fury but all...signifying something. Where do you want to go? Our journey is long and better than any drug you've ever tried. If you think I'm joking, I can clearly show you examples that I'm not.
Now...let's talk Apple. Everytime I've ever needed to change contact or payment info, there's never been a problem. Now, it seems like since I got this new card from my bank...nothing's worked right. Apple says it's my bank, my bank says it's Apple and the story only snowballs every time I have had to tell it. A wonderful representative of Apple named James and his console cowboy partner Enrique did everything they could to help me, including getting me to an internal investigator. Let's hope that pans out. I need that Magic: The Gathering Deck Builder.
Oh, yeah...sorcery. Magic...I'm playing that again. I'd lost every game I'd played until the other night, my rough Pandora Deck actually "decked" Darrin. Getting Decked means that you have no cards left to draw and you lose by default. Nevermind that he played the Wrath of God card twice which destroys all creatures on the board and another card that kills lands. Those four good punches just weren't enough to keep me on the ropes or down. I may be tournament material soon.
It was a lot like watching Rocky. He kept getting his ass kicked but he refused to stay down. It wasn't even tournament time and I was playing like it was. It had to have been frustrating. In this instance, I was the manifestation of evil that just toyed with him until he was too exhausted and had nothing left to give. In the words of Daniel Day Lewis from the film "Gangs of New York", "Good Morning, Priest." He threw the Kitchen sink at me and it didn't stop me from unleashing my hellish hordes on him. In the end, it was only one of my many good soldiers that did him in. It just wouldn't leave him alone.
He has vowed revenge. He will have his opportunity. Only this time, I won't be as forgiving.
One more thing before I'm out...Terminator Salvation and Angels & Demons are definitely worthwhile movies to see.
posted by Lord Genocyde at 3:42 PM
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