Episode 127: Stop Kneeling And Start Shooting!
I'm sick as hell about hearing about some idiot going clownshit crazy and then walking into a church to begin a short-lived reign of terror.
Look, it's no secret that I'm cynical as hell with most self-proclaimed Christian groups but it goes a little something like this. I am not about to see this recent rash of news stories being used as more reason to get rid of guns. I won't use their tragedies to bolster a political agenda.
Fair, right?
I never did say that I wouldn't use it as a platform to state my opinion on the matter. Since this is my little corner of the internet, fuck you it's getting stated as fact.
None of you will like this. I guarantee it. I didn't like the thought when it crossed my mind but once I saw the hard evidence, I couldn't deny it. Get ready, America, because I'm about to kick you in the nads on this one.
It's our fault. All of it. The entire down the wall decline is our fault. Those of us who enjoyed our option to carry a weapon for self-defense purposes have been marginalized by a small and very vocal minority. How did that minority win? We didn't fucking say something when we should have. We were all too busy. We were all wrapped up in our own little worlds and we scoffed at them thinking that it wouldn't happen.
Well, it happened. Now, every last single damn one of us are being criminalized. Yeah, sure, you might not believe me but I'm going to provide you with further proof on the matter. Once this batch of bleating hearts (the same ones that won't let anyone pray anywhere for any reason) had their way, gun owners, operators, carriers and dealers were "barbarians" and "glorified thugs" and what's worse is that not one of us got up enough intestinal fortitude to do anything BUT sit around and complain.
Our nuts existed as we sat in our living rooms. So kids continued dying on the streets. Street gangs still had their guns, places of business were still getting robbed and the worst thing about it is that the right people were not able to defend themselves. It didn't stop there. Schools became more violent and with every firearm free zone, there existed only a new barrel of ducks to shoot, knife, maim and kill.
I have to ask one question, "How is that civilized society going these days?"
During the election, I told all of my friends to watch for a rise in gun crime in the most unlikely of places. I figured day care centers, sporting events, pet shops, hell, just think of somewhere you wouldn't expect a gun crime to happen and that would be a good location. I really didn't consider churches but for a brief second but I thought that it might seem a little farfetched. I now see that I had erred in my thinking.
So now it's not even safe to attend church. Now what do we do?
Well, I'm sure that if you're not bothered by the fact that it's not safe to even go to your respective places of worship (to include synagogues, Buddhist temples, shopping malls) without some clownfuck idiot thinking he's the next Rambo and killing you will better the world because his goldfish told him it would, I guess nothing will.
My solution is a simple one. No more lobbying. No more political trips. No more attempting to appeal to politicians. They're not listening. I'll tell you what though, if you feel like writing to your politicians about it, that's cool but write only a few lines and let them be as follows:
Dear (Insert Title And Name),
This recent rash of church shootings has lead me to only one conclusion. You see, I've tried like hell to get onto you about stopping this mess but now I'm telling you you've done a shit job and I'M going to handle it myself. I'm now packing heat wherever I go. I'm not saying it's a gun, I'm not saying it's NOT a gun but guess what? You're fucking ineffective at handling this but I'm a fucking great aim and I will. Don't try that bullshit about the cops. The cops are nothing more than a fucking cleanup crew and I'm sure that cleaning up the mess of a minister and his congregation is far more tragic and costly to the taxpayer than cleaning up ONE dead asshole. I'm not asking your permission. I'm TELLING you how this is going to happen. Go take care of the economy, I'm going to make criminal fuckheads think twice.
Signed,
(Your Name Here)
It's time to put them on notice. It's time we started taking responsibility here. If I'm in the middle of supplication to my deity, I don't like being fucking interrupted. If I'm in council with a priest, I don't like being fucking interrupted. It's a lot like sleep, salvation is...it's just one of those things you don't fuck around with at all. I don't care who you are. I take sleep very seriously. It's one of those few precious moments where all the troubles of the world aren't on my mind. If someone breaks into my home while that happens and wakes me up...he's got it coming. No stopping and guess what, I don't care if he does try to break and run, I'm killing him dead where he once stood.
For those thinking of going clownshit crazy while I'm in prayer, service or confession read this and absorb it. It's okay if you want to try and kill me but do it while I'm in the middle of any of these and I'll send you to Hell and save God the trouble. I don't like you and neither do any of the weapons I carry. When you find yourself faced with Lara The New Jersey Firecracker or Wrath of The Almighty, just go ahead and do yourself a favor, count on dying and count on it being painful. I won't attempt to de-escalate that situation. A shot to the head and half your face blown away by Holy Shit Fire with Lead Accompaniment and Thor's Thunder will suffice to see to it that the situation does not escalate further. Got that? Good!
Now, some of you may ask, "Damien, won't you go to jail if you pack your gun into Church and defend anyone?" More likely than not, yes. Does that bother me? Shit, haven't you been fucking reading? There's more than just time in jail that bothers me about the whole situation. Right now, don't you know the politicians are now wanting YOUR legally-owned guns? Why? Because now YOU might go apeshit and kill someone. And YOU don't find that absurd in the least? I'm less bothered about being jailed for killing some criminal scumfuck than I am about allowing it to happen to my minister, my girl, my friends or even me. In jail, chances are, I'll get out. Dead, chances are, I'll fucking stay dead. Which do you prefer? Fuckin' thought so.
We're the ones that caused it and we're the ones that need to fix it. So I say let's not let another minister, priest, rabbi, swami or heirarchical head of any religious sect die. Let's get out there, pray for God to be on our side and keep instruments of wrath at ours.
If you disagree with me here, fine, but understand that I'm going to classify anyone who hides behind chapter and verse with this bullshit notion that I'm in the wrong a fucking coward.
Look, it's no secret that I'm cynical as hell with most self-proclaimed Christian groups but it goes a little something like this. I am not about to see this recent rash of news stories being used as more reason to get rid of guns. I won't use their tragedies to bolster a political agenda.
Fair, right?
I never did say that I wouldn't use it as a platform to state my opinion on the matter. Since this is my little corner of the internet, fuck you it's getting stated as fact.
None of you will like this. I guarantee it. I didn't like the thought when it crossed my mind but once I saw the hard evidence, I couldn't deny it. Get ready, America, because I'm about to kick you in the nads on this one.
It's our fault. All of it. The entire down the wall decline is our fault. Those of us who enjoyed our option to carry a weapon for self-defense purposes have been marginalized by a small and very vocal minority. How did that minority win? We didn't fucking say something when we should have. We were all too busy. We were all wrapped up in our own little worlds and we scoffed at them thinking that it wouldn't happen.
Well, it happened. Now, every last single damn one of us are being criminalized. Yeah, sure, you might not believe me but I'm going to provide you with further proof on the matter. Once this batch of bleating hearts (the same ones that won't let anyone pray anywhere for any reason) had their way, gun owners, operators, carriers and dealers were "barbarians" and "glorified thugs" and what's worse is that not one of us got up enough intestinal fortitude to do anything BUT sit around and complain.
Our nuts existed as we sat in our living rooms. So kids continued dying on the streets. Street gangs still had their guns, places of business were still getting robbed and the worst thing about it is that the right people were not able to defend themselves. It didn't stop there. Schools became more violent and with every firearm free zone, there existed only a new barrel of ducks to shoot, knife, maim and kill.
I have to ask one question, "How is that civilized society going these days?"
During the election, I told all of my friends to watch for a rise in gun crime in the most unlikely of places. I figured day care centers, sporting events, pet shops, hell, just think of somewhere you wouldn't expect a gun crime to happen and that would be a good location. I really didn't consider churches but for a brief second but I thought that it might seem a little farfetched. I now see that I had erred in my thinking.
So now it's not even safe to attend church. Now what do we do?
Well, I'm sure that if you're not bothered by the fact that it's not safe to even go to your respective places of worship (to include synagogues, Buddhist temples, shopping malls) without some clownfuck idiot thinking he's the next Rambo and killing you will better the world because his goldfish told him it would, I guess nothing will.
My solution is a simple one. No more lobbying. No more political trips. No more attempting to appeal to politicians. They're not listening. I'll tell you what though, if you feel like writing to your politicians about it, that's cool but write only a few lines and let them be as follows:
Dear (Insert Title And Name),
This recent rash of church shootings has lead me to only one conclusion. You see, I've tried like hell to get onto you about stopping this mess but now I'm telling you you've done a shit job and I'M going to handle it myself. I'm now packing heat wherever I go. I'm not saying it's a gun, I'm not saying it's NOT a gun but guess what? You're fucking ineffective at handling this but I'm a fucking great aim and I will. Don't try that bullshit about the cops. The cops are nothing more than a fucking cleanup crew and I'm sure that cleaning up the mess of a minister and his congregation is far more tragic and costly to the taxpayer than cleaning up ONE dead asshole. I'm not asking your permission. I'm TELLING you how this is going to happen. Go take care of the economy, I'm going to make criminal fuckheads think twice.
Signed,
(Your Name Here)
It's time to put them on notice. It's time we started taking responsibility here. If I'm in the middle of supplication to my deity, I don't like being fucking interrupted. If I'm in council with a priest, I don't like being fucking interrupted. It's a lot like sleep, salvation is...it's just one of those things you don't fuck around with at all. I don't care who you are. I take sleep very seriously. It's one of those few precious moments where all the troubles of the world aren't on my mind. If someone breaks into my home while that happens and wakes me up...he's got it coming. No stopping and guess what, I don't care if he does try to break and run, I'm killing him dead where he once stood.
For those thinking of going clownshit crazy while I'm in prayer, service or confession read this and absorb it. It's okay if you want to try and kill me but do it while I'm in the middle of any of these and I'll send you to Hell and save God the trouble. I don't like you and neither do any of the weapons I carry. When you find yourself faced with Lara The New Jersey Firecracker or Wrath of The Almighty, just go ahead and do yourself a favor, count on dying and count on it being painful. I won't attempt to de-escalate that situation. A shot to the head and half your face blown away by Holy Shit Fire with Lead Accompaniment and Thor's Thunder will suffice to see to it that the situation does not escalate further. Got that? Good!
Now, some of you may ask, "Damien, won't you go to jail if you pack your gun into Church and defend anyone?" More likely than not, yes. Does that bother me? Shit, haven't you been fucking reading? There's more than just time in jail that bothers me about the whole situation. Right now, don't you know the politicians are now wanting YOUR legally-owned guns? Why? Because now YOU might go apeshit and kill someone. And YOU don't find that absurd in the least? I'm less bothered about being jailed for killing some criminal scumfuck than I am about allowing it to happen to my minister, my girl, my friends or even me. In jail, chances are, I'll get out. Dead, chances are, I'll fucking stay dead. Which do you prefer? Fuckin' thought so.
We're the ones that caused it and we're the ones that need to fix it. So I say let's not let another minister, priest, rabbi, swami or heirarchical head of any religious sect die. Let's get out there, pray for God to be on our side and keep instruments of wrath at ours.
If you disagree with me here, fine, but understand that I'm going to classify anyone who hides behind chapter and verse with this bullshit notion that I'm in the wrong a fucking coward.
posted by Lord Genocyde at 7:47 AM
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