Episode 84: Let The Insanity Begin...
I woke up this afternoon to find Misty snuggling me from behind. That always feels good. Not only is she soft but she's warm and, if I didn't have to go to the damned bathroom I'd have stayed there. Nevermind that it was nearly 6:00 p.m. Still, I had to check the mail to see if some of her meds came in and I had to drain myself like you wouldn't believe. I slipped my sweatpants on, slipped into my house slippers and ventured out. It would be dark soon. It's been getting darker and darker more and more early lately. This is the great sign for me. Winter, oh my sheltering winter, is on it's way.
Spring, to me, has always been a nice season. It turns, however, into the biggest prelude to a beating I'll take all year. Summer is the season I dread. That intense heat, the heated arguments, everything going chaotically faster are enough to drive you insane. When you're not having to deal with that...then comes the next part...storm season. If you're lucky, you'll avoid hurricanes, tropical storms, tropical depressions, severe thunderstorms, tornadoes, etc. If it does happen to rain anywhere near you, then you have the humidity to deal with. Great Scot, what a reason to stay indoors! If you're like me, everything gets magnified. The sunlight hurts, you can't go out without shades on and nightfall seems like a million years away. Then, the autumn comes...that's when things begin to calm a bit and then...oh, soothing Winter and your world of fragile things, how I've missed you! The nights are bitter cold, your teeth chatter, you huddle into more layers of clothing. It was always like hiding. You put on another layer and then fall back into them. This, for me, has always been a magickal time of year. Everything seemed alive even as the town slept.
I thought of all of that as I crept out of the room so I wouldn't wake Misty up. I opened the door and looked into the mailbox...nothing but my doormat had been moved and a box marked ThinkGeek.com was half obscured by the doormat. I wonder if the UPS man knows that the doormat isn't much for subterfuge and obfuscation.
Hot damn, I thought, my books have arrived! Books have always been a love of mine. Now is no exception. These books, however, are essential. I put the box of books aside and closed the door. The message light on my phone was blinking. Checked the messages...ah, yes, SiNDADDY again looking for a repeat interview. I remember how the last one went. Though it was a great time, I still can't listen to the playback and like myself for how I practically kicked my own ass drinking tequila during the show. We schedule that one for the 23rd. My vacation will have just kicked off and I'll be relaxing and telling the daisy-chain-of-command at work to kiss my ass for two weeks. I'll vanish like a ninja in the dark. That will give me time to enjoy the books.
Among the titles were The Zombie Survival Guide, Sneaky Uses For Everyday Things, Sneakier Uses For Everyday Things and Steal This Computer Book 4.0. I start looking at them almost immediately. I'm still waiting for The American Truth by Nick Shelton and Debunking 9/11 Debunking: An Answer To The Popular Mechanics Article And Defenders of The Official Conspiracy Theory by David Ray Griffin. The first four books were obtained from ThinkGeek.com and the others from Amazon.com. I had to reorder Nick Shelton's book because Amazon's squirrely nature sent that one to my friend Ann instead of me. Hope she likes it and doesn't think me cracked for reading something like this.
*Author's Note: This particular article had begun before Misty left. I'm now picking up where I left off and including some stuff that's happened recently*
October 8, 2007:
I'm sitting here looking through the pictures we took a few days ago. There we were, clowning like hell. I, of course, took some rather seasonal Halloweenish photos. The kid in me will never ever tire of Halloween. I was in my mask, t-shirt and gloves. The mask was one Misty picked out and has to be the hottest thing on the planet to wear. I lose 40 pounds off my head sweating under the latex rubber of the thing and that long hair hanging off it makes me resemble a stocky version of Michale Graves but there I am, ghouled out and me and Misty have taken pictures on nearly every deserted street corner in town...then...we moved to the playground. There, we got pics of me crawling all over monkey bars, swinging on the swings and a very bumbled picture (due to low shutter speed) of me on a winding slide...which I don't remember being so long. Misty was too busy laughing at me the whole time. Our antics turned out some really great pics and some really terrible ones but we had fun nonetheless. Plus it gave me an excuse to use my messenger bag for the first time which will hold nearly every damn thing in Creation.
Saturday was the hardest day for the both of us as she left. I got maybe a few hours of sleep for work that night or else I'd have gone to the damned airport with her to see her off. I got so used to her sleeping so soundly right next to me that I had forgotten what it was like to sleep alone. I woke up to Smudge headbutting me trying to get out of the room. He's a great cat to have around but I just wanted to wake up to Misty snoring again while some zombie flick's menu played on and on incessantly.
This is the weird time for me. This is the time where I linger on thoughts that are borderline insane. I have to read, watch, listen and dig in now more than ever. It's important that I learn things. That's what it is, now is the time for me to learn things. Things that I can take with me and never lose. Why? Because the more things I know, the more chances I have of surviving, rising, adapting and overcoming. Geez, I sound like my dad now. The ex-marine that he is, he always stressed that. Maintain, yes, that's the key, isn't it? Failure is not an option. Not this time.
No, the stakes are too high for that failure rot. This time, it's all or nothing. I'm putting the bank on this baby and crazy-gluing myself to the front of this bullet train and riding it to the end, for good or ill. Why? Because I'm looking at these pictures and I see what it could be. It's something I want more than anything. I'll take this winter to begin. One way or the other, I will succeed where I have failed before or I will go down doing it.
I've seen the glory of Deuce McAllister taking a field full of 200 plus pound men on his back into the end zone with him to score that critical touchdown last year for the Saints and, by hook or by crook, I will make it this time.
Spring, to me, has always been a nice season. It turns, however, into the biggest prelude to a beating I'll take all year. Summer is the season I dread. That intense heat, the heated arguments, everything going chaotically faster are enough to drive you insane. When you're not having to deal with that...then comes the next part...storm season. If you're lucky, you'll avoid hurricanes, tropical storms, tropical depressions, severe thunderstorms, tornadoes, etc. If it does happen to rain anywhere near you, then you have the humidity to deal with. Great Scot, what a reason to stay indoors! If you're like me, everything gets magnified. The sunlight hurts, you can't go out without shades on and nightfall seems like a million years away. Then, the autumn comes...that's when things begin to calm a bit and then...oh, soothing Winter and your world of fragile things, how I've missed you! The nights are bitter cold, your teeth chatter, you huddle into more layers of clothing. It was always like hiding. You put on another layer and then fall back into them. This, for me, has always been a magickal time of year. Everything seemed alive even as the town slept.
I thought of all of that as I crept out of the room so I wouldn't wake Misty up. I opened the door and looked into the mailbox...nothing but my doormat had been moved and a box marked ThinkGeek.com was half obscured by the doormat. I wonder if the UPS man knows that the doormat isn't much for subterfuge and obfuscation.
Hot damn, I thought, my books have arrived! Books have always been a love of mine. Now is no exception. These books, however, are essential. I put the box of books aside and closed the door. The message light on my phone was blinking. Checked the messages...ah, yes, SiNDADDY again looking for a repeat interview. I remember how the last one went. Though it was a great time, I still can't listen to the playback and like myself for how I practically kicked my own ass drinking tequila during the show. We schedule that one for the 23rd. My vacation will have just kicked off and I'll be relaxing and telling the daisy-chain-of-command at work to kiss my ass for two weeks. I'll vanish like a ninja in the dark. That will give me time to enjoy the books.
Among the titles were The Zombie Survival Guide, Sneaky Uses For Everyday Things, Sneakier Uses For Everyday Things and Steal This Computer Book 4.0. I start looking at them almost immediately. I'm still waiting for The American Truth by Nick Shelton and Debunking 9/11 Debunking: An Answer To The Popular Mechanics Article And Defenders of The Official Conspiracy Theory by David Ray Griffin. The first four books were obtained from ThinkGeek.com and the others from Amazon.com. I had to reorder Nick Shelton's book because Amazon's squirrely nature sent that one to my friend Ann instead of me. Hope she likes it and doesn't think me cracked for reading something like this.
*Author's Note: This particular article had begun before Misty left. I'm now picking up where I left off and including some stuff that's happened recently*
October 8, 2007:
I'm sitting here looking through the pictures we took a few days ago. There we were, clowning like hell. I, of course, took some rather seasonal Halloweenish photos. The kid in me will never ever tire of Halloween. I was in my mask, t-shirt and gloves. The mask was one Misty picked out and has to be the hottest thing on the planet to wear. I lose 40 pounds off my head sweating under the latex rubber of the thing and that long hair hanging off it makes me resemble a stocky version of Michale Graves but there I am, ghouled out and me and Misty have taken pictures on nearly every deserted street corner in town...then...we moved to the playground. There, we got pics of me crawling all over monkey bars, swinging on the swings and a very bumbled picture (due to low shutter speed) of me on a winding slide...which I don't remember being so long. Misty was too busy laughing at me the whole time. Our antics turned out some really great pics and some really terrible ones but we had fun nonetheless. Plus it gave me an excuse to use my messenger bag for the first time which will hold nearly every damn thing in Creation.
Saturday was the hardest day for the both of us as she left. I got maybe a few hours of sleep for work that night or else I'd have gone to the damned airport with her to see her off. I got so used to her sleeping so soundly right next to me that I had forgotten what it was like to sleep alone. I woke up to Smudge headbutting me trying to get out of the room. He's a great cat to have around but I just wanted to wake up to Misty snoring again while some zombie flick's menu played on and on incessantly.
This is the weird time for me. This is the time where I linger on thoughts that are borderline insane. I have to read, watch, listen and dig in now more than ever. It's important that I learn things. That's what it is, now is the time for me to learn things. Things that I can take with me and never lose. Why? Because the more things I know, the more chances I have of surviving, rising, adapting and overcoming. Geez, I sound like my dad now. The ex-marine that he is, he always stressed that. Maintain, yes, that's the key, isn't it? Failure is not an option. Not this time.
No, the stakes are too high for that failure rot. This time, it's all or nothing. I'm putting the bank on this baby and crazy-gluing myself to the front of this bullet train and riding it to the end, for good or ill. Why? Because I'm looking at these pictures and I see what it could be. It's something I want more than anything. I'll take this winter to begin. One way or the other, I will succeed where I have failed before or I will go down doing it.
I've seen the glory of Deuce McAllister taking a field full of 200 plus pound men on his back into the end zone with him to score that critical touchdown last year for the Saints and, by hook or by crook, I will make it this time.
*******
Dream Sequence: October 9, 2007 6:58 a.m.
The world swims. My whole head feels battered. So does the rest of me for that matter.
Smack!
I hear the sound again...that sound of packing meat as that fist bounces my head off the canvas again. The crowd's chanting has become unintelligible...and the world blurs and looks as though I'm looking through water.
Smack!
It happens again and this time, I'm not sure that I can pick my head up. That left eye is swollen shut. There are a million places on my face and head from where I'm cut. Sweat and blood mix in the wounds and light them on fire and those shots to the back of the head are getting annoying.
Then...something happens. I feel something coursing through my veins, quickening me one more time.
Thunk!
This time, the fist lands it's mark on the back of my cranium but the world comes into focus and the volume gets turned way the hell down on the crowd and I hear those words in my mind...
Now...is the time...for me to rise...to my feet
wipe your spit from my face...wipe these tears from my eyes...
I put my hands underneath me and spread my legs. My muscles burn and battery acid courses through my veins.
I've got to take my life back...one chance to make it right
I've got to have my voice be heard...and bring meaning to this life...
I grit my teeth and clench my jaws together tight and suck in that one critical breath. I can feel my opponent, his confidence leaving him. He throws wild punches. Now...they mean nothing...I can't feel them.
'cuz I've trusted for nothing...I've been led astray
I've been tried and tested...but I won't accept defeat...
Now, he panics and starts beating me about the shoulders. He's trying to cause nerve dysfunction...make my arms give out. There's just one thing he didn't count on...
NOW I'VE DONE THINGS I REGRET...AND IT'S TIME TO REVERSE THE ROLES...
I push with everything I have left and suddenly, he finds he can't hold on as I rise, the crowd goes silent as I scream in a mix of agony and determination, anger and rage, hatred and ambition and the frustration of every being that has ever felt discarded and left on it's own. This one's for them...
NOW I JUST WANNA MAKE GOOD ON...ALL THE PROMISES I HAVE MADE
I WILL BE...
I...WILL...BE...
I WILL BE HEARD....
He tries some kind of desperate attempt at hanging on until I put my tongue to the roof of my mouth and quit screaming, clench my jaws once more and drive the back of my skull into his nose. I hear a scream and a crunch. I suddenly feel a weight drop off my back as I turn to face my mangled enemy. Then, the roar is accompanied by brutality...namely mine.
I...WILL...BE...
I WILL BE HEARD...
He can do little to nothing to stop the onslaught and I go blindly into a focused fury, raining hammer-fisted strikes down upon him before finally picking him up by the throat and bringing his mauled face to mine. His face is a mask of fear and mine is one of insane anger. I hurl him into the wall and continue beating him until finally he goes limp and the bell rings, snapping me back to reality. I stand over my humiliated opponent. He lies before me, battered, broken and tortured. He knows firsthand what everyone else in that crowd knows by watching...
The Beast is Back...
The world swims. My whole head feels battered. So does the rest of me for that matter.
Smack!
I hear the sound again...that sound of packing meat as that fist bounces my head off the canvas again. The crowd's chanting has become unintelligible...and the world blurs and looks as though I'm looking through water.
Smack!
It happens again and this time, I'm not sure that I can pick my head up. That left eye is swollen shut. There are a million places on my face and head from where I'm cut. Sweat and blood mix in the wounds and light them on fire and those shots to the back of the head are getting annoying.
Then...something happens. I feel something coursing through my veins, quickening me one more time.
Thunk!
This time, the fist lands it's mark on the back of my cranium but the world comes into focus and the volume gets turned way the hell down on the crowd and I hear those words in my mind...
Now...is the time...for me to rise...to my feet
wipe your spit from my face...wipe these tears from my eyes...
I put my hands underneath me and spread my legs. My muscles burn and battery acid courses through my veins.
I've got to take my life back...one chance to make it right
I've got to have my voice be heard...and bring meaning to this life...
I grit my teeth and clench my jaws together tight and suck in that one critical breath. I can feel my opponent, his confidence leaving him. He throws wild punches. Now...they mean nothing...I can't feel them.
'cuz I've trusted for nothing...I've been led astray
I've been tried and tested...but I won't accept defeat...
Now, he panics and starts beating me about the shoulders. He's trying to cause nerve dysfunction...make my arms give out. There's just one thing he didn't count on...
NOW I'VE DONE THINGS I REGRET...AND IT'S TIME TO REVERSE THE ROLES...
I push with everything I have left and suddenly, he finds he can't hold on as I rise, the crowd goes silent as I scream in a mix of agony and determination, anger and rage, hatred and ambition and the frustration of every being that has ever felt discarded and left on it's own. This one's for them...
NOW I JUST WANNA MAKE GOOD ON...ALL THE PROMISES I HAVE MADE
I WILL BE...
I...WILL...BE...
I WILL BE HEARD....
He tries some kind of desperate attempt at hanging on until I put my tongue to the roof of my mouth and quit screaming, clench my jaws once more and drive the back of my skull into his nose. I hear a scream and a crunch. I suddenly feel a weight drop off my back as I turn to face my mangled enemy. Then, the roar is accompanied by brutality...namely mine.
I...WILL...BE...
I WILL BE HEARD...
He can do little to nothing to stop the onslaught and I go blindly into a focused fury, raining hammer-fisted strikes down upon him before finally picking him up by the throat and bringing his mauled face to mine. His face is a mask of fear and mine is one of insane anger. I hurl him into the wall and continue beating him until finally he goes limp and the bell rings, snapping me back to reality. I stand over my humiliated opponent. He lies before me, battered, broken and tortured. He knows firsthand what everyone else in that crowd knows by watching...
The Beast is Back...
posted by Lord Genocyde at 1:42 AM
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