Episode 110: Certified Fucking Morons: A Rant

Guys, this is just me blowing off steam. I'm not here to whine about some moron on the internet but rather just show those who choose to read that there are people out there with certifications, plenty of arrogance to accompany it, no common sense and, the worst part...these are the people that are held in high esteem in our society.

An elist about corrections sent out an email marked "Interesting Article." In light of what's been going on in Texas, I thought it to be a more detailed article about that situation but was only slightly disappointed to find that the USA Today online article was from a year ago.

From the onset, the article posed the question "Should Kids Go To Court In Chains?"

(Full Article for those interested, comments welcome: http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-06-17- shackles_ N.htm)

I sat there reading the opening which already made me laugh.

Excerpt from opening: Malyra Perez is 14, and yes, her mother says, she is troublesome. Malyra runs away and goes to school high, her mother tells the judge. She is in court on a charge of grand theft auto.

But she shouldn't be in shackles, Myra Perez says. "I didn't like that, not at all. She's not a criminal."

Let's go through the laundry list for a second. Runs away from home. Goes to school high...note, it doesn't say "goes to high school" and then she's in court on a charge of GTA and we're not talking video games. But she's not a criminal? Mrs. Perez, allow me to help you here. I'm always happy to lend a helping hand. See, your daughter runs away from home and steals cars. To police, that shows a risk of flight and she's doing drugs as well. If she's behind the wheel of a stolen car and high as the cruising altitude of the Millennium Falcon then what is she? She's a danger to herself and others, Mrs. Perez. While she's in police custody (because it's time to consider that your custody didn't do much to curtail that behavior) then she's not a threat but guess what...they can't take the jail cell into the court room.

But hey, I'm an understanding guy. It's upsetting to see your kid that way. It's upsetting to have people see you like that (take it from a former FNG who got used as the practice dummy at work...it's not really the highlight of your day and having to explain to family and friends why your wrists are all marked up...not fucking fun either) so there's an obvious and simple choice to be made, right? Just don't do shit like that and you're fine.

Now, with that out of the way, let me go on record by saying that I think it's pretty obvious as to what my opinion on the matter is and it will not change save for a logical conclusion that is not simply a matter of opinion.

Enter Randy. Randy's response to this rolled my eyes and it took everything I had to keep from vomiting Day-Glo.

Randy: " This is a great article. Having a mainstream news service write a detailed national article about the callous use of shackles on children is a long time coming. Thankfully, some attorneys and judges are saying enough and ending these shameful and destructive practices. Hopefully, USA Today will write a followup article on how many juvenile facilities and staff use handcuffs and restraint as a tool to abuse and punish their wards."

I didn't know whether to laugh or put this guy in for candidacy for The Idiocracy Party. Already, he sounded like an extremist and I had to wonder just where he got his baseless bleeding heart bullshit.

Naturally, I stepped in from experience. Children are far more impulsive than adults and tend to exhibit traits that are far less conducive to a smooth running operation in a correctional setting. Keep in mind, I'm attempting to appeal to a sense of logic. Ever heard the term Epic Fail? Yeah well that's what it turned into. He went from Bleeding Heart to Bleating Heart and what he said next floored me.

Randy: " In a small percentage of cases, I have to agree that restraints are necessary, but for the rest, no way. Any law enforcement officer who cannot cope with an occasional wild child is simply not qualified to hold a job of that nature, period. I for one will no longer accept the excuse of "security" and "it saves everybody a lot of trouble" for the harm that routine shackling of teenagers causes. There is simply NO excuse for shackling a 10-year old boy or a 100 pound 16-year old girl.

As for respect, I frankly don't need, nor do I care whether I have the respect of the local, state or federal correctional officers associations. What matters is that I hold an advanced degree, am a highly successful professional with a government agency, I vote, am involved in the political process, and involved in making public policy. Our current justice system is completely broke, the nation can no longer afford to let the prison judicial industrial complex continue to run amok, and changes are coming. The article under discussion and the outcome of the recent election is proof enough of that. Those law enforcement officers who cannot cope with the coming changes need to in their own self interest update their resumes and start looking alternative careers. It is that simple."

Doesn't need respect? Good because the respect I'd given him vacated with a swiftness when he showed his lack thereof. It seems he's a fan of more baseless assumption and, from what I'm gathering... he seems like he's a bit emotionally disturbed. Still, I can't resort to ad hominem attacks. That would just make me look like what he wants to make me out to be...a glorified thug.

Naturally, I pointed out the logical fallacies of his argument...yet. ..again.. .and continue going. I'm watching JAG while I wait for The Twilight Zone to come on because, let's face it, Sarah The Marine carrying a Walther PPK is fuckin' hot! I'm a dude, get over it.

My iPhone dinged several times, letting me know in advance that emails are arriving. I'm banking on most of them being spam.

Then, the next phase of his diatribe kicks in:

Randy: "A kid with a "dangerous felony record" would qualify as one of exceptions I mentioned. As for the rest, keep talking like that and I will probably be moved to make sizable donation to the ACLU or a prison rights group. By the way, what state do you work in? "

Now, he's resorting to thinly-veiled threats. Nice. Well, far be it from me to back down from the challenge. Call it stupid if you like, I get worse from the townspeople here. I gave him more information than what he could want. He can call my job. He can come over if he likes. He can do anything he wants but there's the real savage burn.

See, by this point, I already hear Donnie Baker in my head screaming "Yeah, Randy, I know you feel sorry for all those poor misunderstood kids. Can you say 'queer?'"

He's already made those like me out to be ineffective bullies who are doing little more than glorified babysitting. By virtue of his statements, we're practically cro-magnon throwbacks with serious emotional issues who just like to bully around others. If asked, I'm sure that he'd throw a sexual connotation or two in there (for the record...it' s why I won't work at the women's pen...I know me and I don't trust me) just for good measure.

However, what he's proven, again by virtue of his own statements, is that he's not willing to go into the trenches. He's willing to play an insufferable armchair quarterback' s position and furthermore, he's taking the coward's way out by simply throwing money at a problem situation. Isn't that what got us into this in the first damn place? Factor in that he's also willing to lord his self-proclaimed "knowledge" and "political power" over me in order to keep me from disagreeing and I have but one question....

Randy, how are you and I so different?

In conclusion, I do have one final thing to point out. I've seen classmates of mine go through the same procedures as the kids mentioned in the article and I'd concluded a few things that are as follows:

1. Orange was never my color.

2. Steel being wrapped around my wrists and ankles wasn't cool unless I'm doing an escape act

3. I'm not Harry Houdini or Criss Angel so that kinda ixnays the escape acts.

To quote Dennis Miller "That's just my opinion, I could be wrong."