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Friday, November 23, 2007

Episode 88: Fucking Rock Antarctica, I Won!!!

Yeah, ok, I'm really damn happy...wanna know why? Well, because there's a story I'm going to tell you and I hope your damn ready for this one because I'm so happy right now that I'm going to leave a huge spot right here in my seat. No, you're not the first to know about it. I called Misty and told her sleep-addled ass all about it. I'm sure she really could have cared one way or the other about it but then again, that's neither here nor there...I just had to share it with someone. Now, I share it with you.

Many times in the past year or so, I've talked about Accelerated Battlefield Combatives. This system is probably one of the best I've ever seen to help anyone of any age, body type, height, weight and strength level not only learn a good system of close combat but help you retain it and use it almost immediately.

No bullshit. Here's your story.

About a year ago, I blew my birthday money on a reduced price version of this system. What I got was Accelerated Battlefield Combatives which consisted of DVD 1: Fundamentals, DVD 2: Techniques, DVD 3: Advanced Techniques, a CD-ROM featuring an entire .pdf library of U.S. Military Hand-To-Hand Instructional Manuals by the likes of W.E. Fairbairn and Col. Rex Applegate just to give you an idea of the caliber of the types that have written books on the subject. Was that all I dropped 80 bones on? Hell no! I also got the By The Numbers Interactive CD-ROM, The Accelerated Battlefield Combatives Field Manual, and a free month of Legion: Inner Circle. What Legion: Inner Circle consisted of was a nice DVD case, Part one of Carl Cestari's Core Combat System, The Legion Newsletter and a veritable host of free downloads from the Legion: Inner Circle Site.

Now that's a lotta damn information for what I gave. After viewing the DVDs and running them by a friend who's ex-military, even he confirmed what I'd initially gathered...believe the hype.

My old man's always giving me money for my birthday. I'm about to tell him what happened...I think he'll dig how he got me the most awesome birthday gift that kept on giving...even if it was by proxy, it was still awesome as hell.

Now, consider this for just a moment. Carl's passed away. What that means is now, his instructional videos amongst self-defense/close combat afficionados are already high in demand...and no, I'm not burning the DVDs I've got for anyone for the reason that this is a man that I still hold in the highest regard. Me doing that would be the equivalent of me digging the man up and using him as a punching bag. No way in hell I'm doing that. So you know what that means as far as pricing on Carl's DVDs are going to go for. Factor in also, the normal membership of Legion which usually ran for $80 per month and I got that first month for free. If I could afford it, I'd go through all 24 months just to have Carl's core system if nothing else. But just think of one thing. For all the manuals enclosed in the Library CD-ROM...if you decided to buy all this stuff separately and then have Chris Pizzo train you personally. You're lookin' at way more than just the $80 I dropped on it.

Still think it was expensive? Keep reading!

Chris sent out the email stating that "Lieutenant X" was going away for good. I, personally was rather disheartened. I thought for sure that meant Chris was done and that someone else was going to be stepping into his shoes.

In the words of Jeff Dunham's puppet Peanut, "DAMN!"

Well, there was the video announcing all the stuff he had on liquidation. Then there was the announcement of all that we could look forward to as far as the business he'd built was concerned. There were email reminders all throughout this month. Finally, there was the final email that said it was done and a link to a video to the successor of "Lieutenant X" Chris Pizzo.

Who was it? "Captain" Chris Pizzo. Natch!

The dude had given himself a promotion and retired the character that was borne of advice from his attorney several years ago upon the release of the A.B.C. System. In this new video, there was a contest that had been announced.

Understand something, people, I've never won a damn contest in my life. If ever I entered, I entered, just to do it but I never held onto the hope that I would even come in second. This time, I'd seriously considered passing.

The contest was for one person to win an all-expense-paid trip to New York to check out the new headquarters of Close Combat Training. The website's name had gone from TopSecretTraining.com to CloseCombatTraining.com and the weekend would include a personal training session with Chris himself.

Well, I happened to be viewing this while Misty was on the phone with me. Misty has been wanting me to find a way to South Jersey to come see her and when she heard this, she stayed on my ass to enter. Figuring that even if her motive for encouraging me to enter was a bit selfish, I should at least give it a shot. What the hell? Worst I could do was finish flat last and I was used to that.

Not even a full day after entry, I receive yet another email...I'm a semi-finalist and the contest had been expanded! All I had to do was follow a few simple guidelines and I was in like Flynn. First thing I had to do was call in my testimonial after writing it...done. Second was just send a picture of myself...snapped a new one, cropped it down, sent it in. Now, the wait.

Last night, while I'm at work, I receive two emails. Both videos directed me to a new video in which Chris talked about the new Accelerated Battlefield Combatives package (The Upgrade) that has the Escape Combatives added in along with the dirty tricks from the first films. I looked upon the new stuff with wild-eyed envy but I knew it was going to be expensive. I figured that I'd just have to wait for Christmas money this year. Still, there was hope.

Chris went on to assure everyone viewing that not only had the contest been expanded but it had also included some new perks

A few winners would be picked for the initial run. These would be the people to go to New York to train for a weekend with Chris AND get a free upgrade on the A.B.C./Escape Combatives system. He started with East Coasters so nope, Lord Genocyde doesn't go to New York this time around.

The next group would be an assload of Semi-Finalists. This bunch would receive the A.B.C./Escape Combatives Upgrade as a gift, showing appreciation from Chris. The third group would be everyone else. These people would get a chance to still go to New York as the contest will now last over a year but only if they purchased the new Close Combat System Upgrade at their "At Cost" rate of roughly about what I paid for the initial run. I figured for sure I was going to be in that third group and I was going to drop some more dough on the new stuff as I figured it would be once in a lifetime for me but when I clicked on the link provided...I nearly shit myself.

I was a semi-finalist! If you can't find me, then you're blind. Yeah, ok, you're getting the name that only immediate family and for purposes of paying bills and legal shit but there I am...first column, second one down.

What this means is I get to check this new stuff out without paying for the system. Handy because I had to kill my bank card due to some jerkoff getting the number and racking up roughly $100 in charges out of my hard-earned cashola.

I bounced around like a kid at Christmas in the middle of a Candy Shop after just being told he's now the owner of it.

Maybe I didn't make it this time around but yanno what? There's still a full year left. There's still a world of possibility and there's the best part...what was most important. I get to test drive the Close Combat Training System Upgrade.

Now...Anyone else still think that dropping $80 on some self-defense/combat instructional DVDs was "expensive?"

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