Fundamentalist Christians...Face The Music
I know the title of this particular angry rant may frighten some people but understand that it is here I will list my qualifications to set minds at ease and then I will attack mercilessly, pre-emptively and without apology. I warn you now if your sensitive feelings can't handle the truth then just fuckin' blow me.
First, I was raised for most of my life here in this small town nestled in the emo buckle of the bible belt.
Second, I attended a Catholic church as a child, went through catechism and underwent confirmation.
Third, during said catechism classes I was subjected to the most mindless mounds of bullshit crammed down my throat. (I just didn't realize it was bullshit until later...more on that coming up)
Fourth, I later became a Baptist and had the same mounds of bullshit crammed down my throat only this time...it was a force-feeding.
Fifth, I've been to an apostolic church (whether I wanted to go or not...the latter obviously being the case)
Sixth, I've been on one helluva spiritual journey through my entire life that is still ongoing, though I'm settled back in my roots of Catholicism.
Seventh, I harbor no ill will toward God or any of his divine associates
Eighth, God told us that the truth will make us free, so let's move on
Now, with those eight guidelines, let's thoroughly examine what's going on here and yeah, if you want to, you can relate it to The WM3 case though I personally give two shits whether you do or not.
Just when I thought it was over and done, I find out that once again, I'm dead wrong. As a co-worker and I were discussing music I suddenly found myself verbally accosted. According to this Fundamentalist Buttinski, I'm going to Hell...straight there...do not pass go. What a fucking surprise this is.
During the course of this conversation, I'm actually discussing in an A-B conversation type of way, the way that mainstream broadcast radio has so very little to offer in terms of good music. Now this isn't exactly a debate. We were each able to state good points and bad, pro and con and see each other's side pretty well. I ended up getting this young and curious mind very interested in one of my favorite genres of all time...Industrial. He'd heard the likes of Ministry, Nine Inch Nails and, amazingly enough, Apoptygma Berzerk, Razed In Black and Heaven 17. Still, he wanted to know more about the stuff I was listening to and the wonderful music project which I'd been able to have a hand in making (Immune System "Live In Hyperborea"...you can get it on CD Baby Dot Com :D ).
So on I droned about the host of new CDs that now grace my desk by bands like Testube, Pine Tree State Mind Control, Trylok, Regenerator and the compilations, Moonlight Corporation v1.0 and Resist The Command and Resist The Command 2. When he asked about the latter two, I simply warned him that the songs were very political...much like Rage Against The Machine and when he asked where he could get them, I had started to tell him that I would write down the site address until...
Enter Fundamentalist Buttinski.
Now, before I go on, why is it that a person who knows less than I do, has the I.Q. of fucking bean dip and about as much sense decides that this is something of an act of Satan attempting to warp his "fragile mind." I'm not kidding, they actually used this term.
Fragile mind? HE WORKS IN A FUCKING PRISON, YOU DUMBASS!
This Fundamentalist Blonde suddenly takes it upon herself to C her way into this A-B conversation and I'm about to C her to a fucking exit with a swiftness. Get a gander at some of the claims she decided to make.
1. The last two CDs were satanic because they question our government and it's actions. ...this comes after fully admitting that she didn't have a single fucking clue as to what was on the CDs
2. Industrial is the devil's music...just look at Marilyn Manson! ...this comes despite the fact that Manson just isn't quite as controversial as he used to be
3. This music could drive him to the depths of depravity and possibly terrorism ....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...WHAAAAT?
4. He should stick with the classic rock on the radio and not bother listening to what I say (then I heard her whisper to him) because I am a wolf in sheep's clothing...
*sound of a record scratching signalling a stop* Ok, OK, CAN YOU POSSIBLY MAKE CHRISTIANITY LOOK ANY LESS APPEALING AND ANY MORE FLAKY THAN WHAT IT ALREADY IS! This is why I do not regularly attend any church, people. It's like a goddamned cereal box...when it's not nuts, it's fruits and flakes.
Here in the buckle of the bible belt, in this foul year of Our Lord 2008, I could not believe how much sway this person was actually possessing over this guy! I was stunned! I was shocked! I was appalled! For the first time in my life, I actually happily condoned mercilessly euthanizing this person. One Shot And The World Gets Fucking Smaller.
Look, people, let's get something straight, I'm calling bullshit right here and right now. I don't give a fuck what your opinion on this matter is, faith over fact simply will not fucking work and if it works for you then perhaps Neverland really is the place to be for you...or Florida during Hurricane Season, preferably.
I saw past the propaganda years ago. First, you fundamentalist whackjobs out there tried to make D&D (That's Dungeons & Dragons to you) players out to be horrible people who were engaging in depraved and immoral acts and carrying the game into acts of Satanic sacrifice and/or/maybethey'reboththesame, Murder. When that didn't work, you tried to put it on Geraldo, When that didn't work you tried to make us out to be geeks when, in truth, we didn't really need that much help in that department did we? I will say this though, I'll pay fifty bucks to anyone who comes back alive from telling Vin Diesel that he's a devil-worshipping nerd and is setting a harmful example to our children. Come on! Where's that faith of yours? I'll give you the entire contents of my MacGuyver Money Clip which totals slightly more than that! No Takers? Thought so. Onward.
Heavy Metal music was supposed to be the Devil's tool, right? Remember all that bullshit preachers were spouting on the pulpit and in their propaganda that actually got published? Remember? Come on, you know the claims! No band could get a recording contract unless they pledged their souls to The Desolate One and then they included mind control shit in the sounds and backward masking and when the backward masking turned out to be FUCKING GIBBERISH it was ...and I'm not joking...Satanists Have Their Own Language. Fuck me running backwards with a shovel, Get me a fuckin' ladder...this shit is getting deep. Well, fundies, one of your own has taken the heat off Metal so now all you die-hard Megadeth fans can listen to Rust In Peace a little bit longer without being hassled over your mullets. I love that fuckin album. Yep, one of your own has decided the new course in the name of not just God but Country as well...Industrial Meeewwwsick Isss The Deeeeevil!
Somebody please CUT THE FUCKING SHIT!
I am sick of parents who are irresponsible as shit blaming whatever activities their kids were involved with unsupervised, no less. It's when your sick sad and irresponsible asses get into a fucking pinch because YOU are about to be called into question, you find something to blame. You find a couple of elements to blow out of proportion and then you unleash it upon the world, unfurling a new banner and becoming crying TV martyrs for your cause. Sell it somewhere else, I'm not buying. I've got a couple of D&D games in the works and neither you nor anyone else will stop me...don't make me roll Initiative, motherfucker! I've got 2d20 and I'm not afraid to use my Level 5 half-elven cleric. Like apples? How do ya like THEM apples!?
Secondly, I'm sick of you stupid fucks not even LOOKING at something. How quick you are to tell ME not to judge a book by it's cover but you damned sure judge me by the color of my Margin of Error T-Shirt or the title of my Resist The Command CDs...get fucking real. Back in the '60s we had an abundance of music that said something and made a social difference...that had a statement of meaning to young people at that time. In the 70's we celebrated the end results that those songs got us. In the '80s we settled for the advertisement of mind-numbing decadence and in the '90s...malignant mediocrity that has spread like a virus in pandemic state. Why is it when I find something of real social importance I'm being asked to accept MORE STORIES ON BRITNEY'S LATEST BATSHIT EPISODE? Look, tell Britney that her career is over, lock her the hell away and get her off my supermarket tabloids before I finally projectile vomit radioactive day-glo. When a death metal band like Children of Bodom can get away with covering one of your pop idol songs...it's over.
I am sick of having this mediocrity and banality shoved down my throat and then having THAT rewarded. But I'm a Satanic Terrorist. This is enough to make me torch my minister's certificate, shell out the $200 and actually join The Church of Satan completely. Then again, is it any wonder people just settle for atheism?
Ok, look, you got your fucking P.M.R.C., you somehow managed to get Tipper Gore (THE Bullshit Artist's Wife) behind you and you've almost managed to legislate everything BUT John Fucking Tesh, Billy Ray Cyrus and Michael Goddamned Bolton into oblivion. We retreated, we caved, we hid and we lay in wait. We didn't know what else to do! Now, though...NOW when we're starting to re-emerge to show that we're grown up and we're angry for legitimate reasons are we suddenly having the dogs set on us again. NOW when our anger only makes us focus and approach the subject in mature ways (writing as opposed to mass slaughter ala Slayer) do we find that we're still being treated like FUCKING CHILDREN!
Look, you got it all, ok, just back the fuck up before I back you the fuck up. I'm not asking for ground, goddamn right, I'm TAKING it and you're either in or in the fucking way. I know it may be reprehensible, immoral and just plain wicked but it gives you no right whatsoever to become a tyrant by IMPOSING limits on those freedoms. Fundamentalists of the world, you must understand that it's actually the people you're up against that have more hours locked into prayer than you (Dear God...Please Save Me...From All YOUR "GOOD" PEOPLE!) and if I were Christ, I'd return to rapture those people as something between tragic irony or poetic justice.
I mean, for fuck's sake, I'm 29 fucking years old and I STILL get carded for CDs and movies when I don't even get carded for Jager body shots off the local barmaid anymore. I'm staring down the barrel of some pimply-faced 16-year-old with braces who couldn't get pussy if you dropped him into a women's prison (of the exploitation film variety) asking me to prove that I can buy the new Cradle of Filth CD. Thank God the internet is smart enough not to ask those kinds of questions.
Fundamentalists, get with the program and learn the most important lesson of them all...when you legislate my choices, I'll retaliate by legislating yours.
Face The Music...it's coming stronger than ever.
First, I was raised for most of my life here in this small town nestled in the emo buckle of the bible belt.
Second, I attended a Catholic church as a child, went through catechism and underwent confirmation.
Third, during said catechism classes I was subjected to the most mindless mounds of bullshit crammed down my throat. (I just didn't realize it was bullshit until later...more on that coming up)
Fourth, I later became a Baptist and had the same mounds of bullshit crammed down my throat only this time...it was a force-feeding.
Fifth, I've been to an apostolic church (whether I wanted to go or not...the latter obviously being the case)
Sixth, I've been on one helluva spiritual journey through my entire life that is still ongoing, though I'm settled back in my roots of Catholicism.
Seventh, I harbor no ill will toward God or any of his divine associates
Eighth, God told us that the truth will make us free, so let's move on
Now, with those eight guidelines, let's thoroughly examine what's going on here and yeah, if you want to, you can relate it to The WM3 case though I personally give two shits whether you do or not.
Just when I thought it was over and done, I find out that once again, I'm dead wrong. As a co-worker and I were discussing music I suddenly found myself verbally accosted. According to this Fundamentalist Buttinski, I'm going to Hell...straight there...do not pass go. What a fucking surprise this is.
During the course of this conversation, I'm actually discussing in an A-B conversation type of way, the way that mainstream broadcast radio has so very little to offer in terms of good music. Now this isn't exactly a debate. We were each able to state good points and bad, pro and con and see each other's side pretty well. I ended up getting this young and curious mind very interested in one of my favorite genres of all time...Industrial. He'd heard the likes of Ministry, Nine Inch Nails and, amazingly enough, Apoptygma Berzerk, Razed In Black and Heaven 17. Still, he wanted to know more about the stuff I was listening to and the wonderful music project which I'd been able to have a hand in making (Immune System "Live In Hyperborea"...you can get it on CD Baby Dot Com :D ).
So on I droned about the host of new CDs that now grace my desk by bands like Testube, Pine Tree State Mind Control, Trylok, Regenerator and the compilations, Moonlight Corporation v1.0 and Resist The Command and Resist The Command 2. When he asked about the latter two, I simply warned him that the songs were very political...much like Rage Against The Machine and when he asked where he could get them, I had started to tell him that I would write down the site address until...
Enter Fundamentalist Buttinski.
Now, before I go on, why is it that a person who knows less than I do, has the I.Q. of fucking bean dip and about as much sense decides that this is something of an act of Satan attempting to warp his "fragile mind." I'm not kidding, they actually used this term.
Fragile mind? HE WORKS IN A FUCKING PRISON, YOU DUMBASS!
This Fundamentalist Blonde suddenly takes it upon herself to C her way into this A-B conversation and I'm about to C her to a fucking exit with a swiftness. Get a gander at some of the claims she decided to make.
1. The last two CDs were satanic because they question our government and it's actions. ...this comes after fully admitting that she didn't have a single fucking clue as to what was on the CDs
2. Industrial is the devil's music...just look at Marilyn Manson! ...this comes despite the fact that Manson just isn't quite as controversial as he used to be
3. This music could drive him to the depths of depravity and possibly terrorism ....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...WHAAAAT?
4. He should stick with the classic rock on the radio and not bother listening to what I say (then I heard her whisper to him) because I am a wolf in sheep's clothing...
*sound of a record scratching signalling a stop* Ok, OK, CAN YOU POSSIBLY MAKE CHRISTIANITY LOOK ANY LESS APPEALING AND ANY MORE FLAKY THAN WHAT IT ALREADY IS! This is why I do not regularly attend any church, people. It's like a goddamned cereal box...when it's not nuts, it's fruits and flakes.
Here in the buckle of the bible belt, in this foul year of Our Lord 2008, I could not believe how much sway this person was actually possessing over this guy! I was stunned! I was shocked! I was appalled! For the first time in my life, I actually happily condoned mercilessly euthanizing this person. One Shot And The World Gets Fucking Smaller.
Look, people, let's get something straight, I'm calling bullshit right here and right now. I don't give a fuck what your opinion on this matter is, faith over fact simply will not fucking work and if it works for you then perhaps Neverland really is the place to be for you...or Florida during Hurricane Season, preferably.
I saw past the propaganda years ago. First, you fundamentalist whackjobs out there tried to make D&D (That's Dungeons & Dragons to you) players out to be horrible people who were engaging in depraved and immoral acts and carrying the game into acts of Satanic sacrifice and/or/maybethey'reboththesame, Murder. When that didn't work, you tried to put it on Geraldo, When that didn't work you tried to make us out to be geeks when, in truth, we didn't really need that much help in that department did we? I will say this though, I'll pay fifty bucks to anyone who comes back alive from telling Vin Diesel that he's a devil-worshipping nerd and is setting a harmful example to our children. Come on! Where's that faith of yours? I'll give you the entire contents of my MacGuyver Money Clip which totals slightly more than that! No Takers? Thought so. Onward.
Heavy Metal music was supposed to be the Devil's tool, right? Remember all that bullshit preachers were spouting on the pulpit and in their propaganda that actually got published? Remember? Come on, you know the claims! No band could get a recording contract unless they pledged their souls to The Desolate One and then they included mind control shit in the sounds and backward masking and when the backward masking turned out to be FUCKING GIBBERISH it was ...and I'm not joking...Satanists Have Their Own Language. Fuck me running backwards with a shovel, Get me a fuckin' ladder...this shit is getting deep. Well, fundies, one of your own has taken the heat off Metal so now all you die-hard Megadeth fans can listen to Rust In Peace a little bit longer without being hassled over your mullets. I love that fuckin album. Yep, one of your own has decided the new course in the name of not just God but Country as well...Industrial Meeewwwsick Isss The Deeeeevil!
Somebody please CUT THE FUCKING SHIT!
I am sick of parents who are irresponsible as shit blaming whatever activities their kids were involved with unsupervised, no less. It's when your sick sad and irresponsible asses get into a fucking pinch because YOU are about to be called into question, you find something to blame. You find a couple of elements to blow out of proportion and then you unleash it upon the world, unfurling a new banner and becoming crying TV martyrs for your cause. Sell it somewhere else, I'm not buying. I've got a couple of D&D games in the works and neither you nor anyone else will stop me...don't make me roll Initiative, motherfucker! I've got 2d20 and I'm not afraid to use my Level 5 half-elven cleric. Like apples? How do ya like THEM apples!?
Secondly, I'm sick of you stupid fucks not even LOOKING at something. How quick you are to tell ME not to judge a book by it's cover but you damned sure judge me by the color of my Margin of Error T-Shirt or the title of my Resist The Command CDs...get fucking real. Back in the '60s we had an abundance of music that said something and made a social difference...that had a statement of meaning to young people at that time. In the 70's we celebrated the end results that those songs got us. In the '80s we settled for the advertisement of mind-numbing decadence and in the '90s...malignant mediocrity that has spread like a virus in pandemic state. Why is it when I find something of real social importance I'm being asked to accept MORE STORIES ON BRITNEY'S LATEST BATSHIT EPISODE? Look, tell Britney that her career is over, lock her the hell away and get her off my supermarket tabloids before I finally projectile vomit radioactive day-glo. When a death metal band like Children of Bodom can get away with covering one of your pop idol songs...it's over.
I am sick of having this mediocrity and banality shoved down my throat and then having THAT rewarded. But I'm a Satanic Terrorist. This is enough to make me torch my minister's certificate, shell out the $200 and actually join The Church of Satan completely. Then again, is it any wonder people just settle for atheism?
Ok, look, you got your fucking P.M.R.C., you somehow managed to get Tipper Gore (THE Bullshit Artist's Wife) behind you and you've almost managed to legislate everything BUT John Fucking Tesh, Billy Ray Cyrus and Michael Goddamned Bolton into oblivion. We retreated, we caved, we hid and we lay in wait. We didn't know what else to do! Now, though...NOW when we're starting to re-emerge to show that we're grown up and we're angry for legitimate reasons are we suddenly having the dogs set on us again. NOW when our anger only makes us focus and approach the subject in mature ways (writing as opposed to mass slaughter ala Slayer) do we find that we're still being treated like FUCKING CHILDREN!
Look, you got it all, ok, just back the fuck up before I back you the fuck up. I'm not asking for ground, goddamn right, I'm TAKING it and you're either in or in the fucking way. I know it may be reprehensible, immoral and just plain wicked but it gives you no right whatsoever to become a tyrant by IMPOSING limits on those freedoms. Fundamentalists of the world, you must understand that it's actually the people you're up against that have more hours locked into prayer than you (Dear God...Please Save Me...From All YOUR "GOOD" PEOPLE!) and if I were Christ, I'd return to rapture those people as something between tragic irony or poetic justice.
I mean, for fuck's sake, I'm 29 fucking years old and I STILL get carded for CDs and movies when I don't even get carded for Jager body shots off the local barmaid anymore. I'm staring down the barrel of some pimply-faced 16-year-old with braces who couldn't get pussy if you dropped him into a women's prison (of the exploitation film variety) asking me to prove that I can buy the new Cradle of Filth CD. Thank God the internet is smart enough not to ask those kinds of questions.
Fundamentalists, get with the program and learn the most important lesson of them all...when you legislate my choices, I'll retaliate by legislating yours.
Face The Music...it's coming stronger than ever.
posted by Lord Genocyde at 9:08 AM
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