Episode 44: Burn Baby Burn!

I feel I've held my tongue long enough on these subjects so let's go ahead and get started.

First, I've voiced my disapproval of the direction that the WWE has taken as of late. We've been subjected to crappy storytelling, worse writing and a host of indecisive, idiotic, glossed-over crap while Vince McMahon lines his pockets with the money of the fans. Though, I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. His wife's running for Senator of Connecticut I doubt he's had time to really pay attention. The fact that his Mr. McMahon villain character has been retired (or has it?) may be the reason we haven't seen him in forever. Focusing a little more on the wife than your business, Vince?

Let's run down the litany. Maybe you're a little too busy, Vince, but I have had the opportunity to steal a moment here and it's something my wife has come to know and love so let's keep mine happy, okay? She's ordering your Pay Per Views and I'm paying for them so as long as I'm pumping money into your company, let's get things on track.

Firing Serena Deeb because she didn't keep the Straight Edge Gimmick going outside of the company. Are you serious? Are you going to be letting The Undertaker, The Dead Man Walking Himself, go because he's not really dead? Are you going to be letting Kane go because he's not a demon? Perhaps we should let go of Rey Mysterio because Oscar Guttierez isn't exactly "Mysterio" is he? I know what he looks like under that mask. Go look at some old WCW footage if you doubt me.

Second, Mike Mizanin...Really? He gets a bigger push than Daniel Bryan? Are you serious? Daniel Bryan may not have a personality. He may not even look like someone that you'd think would be a wrestler but he's proven himself time and time again in the independent circuits for the past ten years and trained by none other than Shawn Michaels, you'd think he'd get a little more respect than that. Now that Bryan is the United States Champion, you actually think we're going to put up with Mizanin's antics and his temper tantrums? Mizanin, your Mr. Money In The Bank, go after the WWE Championship. Do you really want to defend two titles at once? Really?

Third, Michael Cole turned into a total douchebag. I remember back in the day when Jim Ross announced with Jerry Lawler. Lawler would make off-color comments while Jim Ross did his job....commentary on the match and calling it down the middle. His comments were always neutral. Lawler, a former wrestler, wore the douchebag mantle better than anyone. Jesse Ventura did the same with Tony Schiavone on commentary. Rein him in because suddenly, Cole thinks he's gonna be the next T-Shirt on ShopWWE.com for Pete's sake. His constant kissing Mike Mizanin's ass had me so disgusted I went and fired up my Nintendo DS to play a few rounds of Pokemon....at least there is entertainment value in that. Another thing about Cole's latest uberdouche turn; Did I order Night of Champions this past sunday or a male version of The Fuckin' View? Bryan was right about you, Cole, you really are the Poor Man's Jim Ross and not even the poor man wants to claim you. If you need a reminder of your humble beginnings, I remember Triple H and Chyna nearly pulling your underwear up over your head during the Attitude Era. Must have had your shorts in a wad ever since.

Finally, The Nexus. Jesus H. Christ, Vince, didn't you hold a contest called NXT Season 1? Didn't Wade Barrett win? Then what are the others doing in the WWE? Barrett, true to form, got his title shot and blew it so why are the others still riding his coat tails as some team of supervillains? I'll let you in on a little secret, Vince, I've always called them The First Season Losers or Barrett And The Hollow Threats. It's time to let the others go or give them contracts and give the fans a damned good explanation of what the hell you and the WWE were thinking.

At the going rate, the WWE is in worse shape than Chris Farley's ass. Too soon for that one?

On a good note, I'm happy to report that Ron "R-Truth" Killings has a new single/Theme song...which had Eve Torres shaking her ass to it. That's a little more than I can say for John Cena. Come on, I like John Cena but the superhero theme has to change some time. He's changed his shirt more than he's changed his theme.

Now, let's move on to more pretentious corporate types in the news.

Steve, Steve, Stevie Jobs...what the hell were you thinking? I've got more bones to pick with you and you just keep giving me ammo on this one so let's see what Apple's CEO has been up to lately.

Awhile back OS4 (Operating System Version 4 to the non-initiated) was introduced. It was announced that some devices weren't going to be able to use all of the features. The new operating system for iPod and iPhone called for Multitasking, Folders to organize your apps and finally....backgrounds. Imagine the let down when I upgraded and only got the folders. Not even a background, Stevie? No? Not one?

A blogger called him out on this one to which he replied that he and his tech team were having issues with it on the so-called "Older Devices". I don't know about you but I have an iPod Touch third gen and it ain't a workin'. Fail....epic....fail.

Well, Steve, you've done one of two things and I'd like to know which it is. So let's go down the short list, shall we?

First, you lied. You and your tech team aren't having issues. You simply refuse to take the time and energy necessary to give the best product support you can. Why not take your time and actually churn out something that might convert the unconverted?

Second, if you aren't lying and your tech team is truly having issues....then you've admitted that you and yours are incompetent. Why do I say that? Because I'm an honest man, Steve and I don't sit there trying to hack my product to make it do shit it's not supposed to do. If you and your team are having issues, the Jailbreakers have long since figured it out, consult them and let's clear up the confusion.

Then, there was Steve's Messiah Moment where he tried to put on his Mask of Goody Two Shoes +2 but his dice roll was botched worse than that of a gambling addict who swears to his wife that he can get the house back. Sorry for that Dungeons And Dragons reference but hey, we're on nerd topic here so keep up.

Stevie thinks that if you want porn on your mobile device, you should buy an Android phone. Why? Because he says that Apple has a, "Moral Responsibility" to protecting it's consumers.

From What, Exactly, Steve? Steve, are you aware that I can load just about any movie or photo onto my iPod and recall it at any time? I actually watched Hostel (Both of them) on my iPod and learned that there are things you can't unsee...even the second time around. What the hell else is going to upset my sensibilities at this point.

Steve, here's how it breaks down. You make device and market device. I purchase device and I decide my content, not you. If you can't take the heat, get out of the damned kitchen. Fact is, this "Moral Responsibility" you're talking about is the weakest excuse to simply be a tyrant even further and attempt to decide MY content for ME? A Grown Adult? Steve, I can access porn sites from my iPod and if I feel like punching the clown while I do it, I'm not leaving that decision up to you. Like it or not, unless you wanna take that Moral Responsibility full on, and believe me you don't want that in the least, then I'd suggest you remain a neutral party in this neighborhood.

Thank God Stevie Jobs was here to save us all from Mother Nature, huh?

The winners of the Sanctimonious, Pretentious Asshole Tag Team Award....Vincent Kennedy McMahon and Steve Jobs!

Now, let's go to the Divas Entry...That's right, I'm now gonna pick on The Real Housewives...of New Jersey.

I used to be a fervent Team Danielle supporter but now I find my support flopping back and forth worse than Brett Favre trying to figure out how retirement works. This show is like a damned train wreck. You don't want to watch. It sickens you to look at it. It's repulsive to see people acting that way but your only other option is what? Jersey Shore and Snookie?

Ladies, none of you are without fault in this bullshit now. Let me illustrate.

Danielle, I have to agree that you were wronged with the book thing. Manzos, if Cop Without A Badge didn't strike you as a title more pretentious than Steve Jobs' self-proclaimed "moral responsibility" then I reserve the right to think that you bought into the sensational nature of the book by cashing in all that you had in all of your accounts. Simply put, all anyone had to do was go to Danielle with this book and consult with law enforcement. Caroline, you said on TV, on the record that you host those little soirees of yours every year in support of law enforcement. Did it ever occur to you to ask how one becomes an informant and just how serious that matter really would be? No, of course not. I'm guessing that you've had no ties whatsoever with the world of criminals. Here's my free lesson.

First, it doesn't happen out of the kindness of anyone's heart. It only happens when someone gets caught up in some serious business and they want to wash their hands of it. They could lawyer up, keep their mouths shut and take their chances in court. Or...they turn narc. If they turn narc, it's not without a price...they're in pocket for good and if they ever get out of pocket, you better believe that the police will not hesitate to move in to make sure that the sins of the past haunt them. Shame on you guys for not even bothering. You took the bait hook, line and sucker and circled the wagons and created a monster.

Danielle, I have to say this. You might have been wronged by the Manzos but that doesn't give you the right to claim that you're a changed person on TV and then entertain thoughts of actually going to crash a party where Law Enforcement is hanging out. I'm thankful your daughters are the voices of reason there.

By season two both of you were at fault and no one was innocent. Sorry but now, I'd rather distance myself from each and every one of you. Something each of you should do from each other and spare us a third season of meaningless and trivial crap.

In other news (yeah I'm done burning here) I finally have some good news. My XM OnyX Radio came in today. The bad news is that the first song I heard was Dangerous Toys' song "Sportin' A Woody." Fuck My Life.