Episode19: Cagerattler

So I'm in one hell of a pickle here. I can't do live radio because my schedule is about as wonky as it gets. I can't do podcasting yet because I don't have the equipment and, to top things off, I have lots to rant about.

It seems the thin-skinned have taken over The Nationwide Idiot Box and, quite frankly, I'm sick of it. The adjoining boards are filled with people whining and pissing and moaning about shit that just simply doesn't matter. So, I've decided that, since I don't have a punching bag yet, it was time to start doing what I do best...rattling cages.

If it's one thing I've been hearing about incessantly it's about Bravo TV's message board. I decided to slip on the ninja mask and go in. Deep cover mission and the objective was simple: Get Banned or Get a show on Bravo where I verbally abuse my choice of guests and get paid to do it. I let a typing equivalent of verbal diarrhea go.

Now, I won't go into great detail and bore you with it all but if it's one thing I hate it's when people play the race card. It's fucking stupid and it's irresponsible.

Yes, I'm sorry but your Racism Platinum Card has been declined...apparently it's maxed the hell out.

Look, it's really simple, folks. Claiming that Bravo is racist is about like calling George W. Bush intelligent and reliable.

Suck it up, rise above it. Life isn't scripted. It doesn't always go the way you planned. To pass the buck by playing the race card yet again is about as responsible as letting the TV babysit your kid and, we see what happens when that's let go. It's about as responsible for passing the buck to rock n' roll and Dungeons and Dragons for your kid's interest in Satanism and suicide. If your kid killed himself or someone else because of what Gene Simmons had to say then he had it coming. Something was going to get that kid. A Delinquent tax return or a Bravo rerun...something. Doesn't matter what. Count it as a lost cause.

Now we can blame others or some intangible reason that our "hero" didn't win on a million different things but I prefer to go with the judges' decisions whether I agree with them or not, nothing will change them. You had to expect this from Bravo's inability to effectively deal with and hold onto one of their golden calves but I digress.

Look, blame it on genetics. Blame the president. Blame urine-poor timing or one bad stitch, death, hell, love and salvation...just one fix.

Sorry, had a Ministry moment there.

Two things are for certain...First rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club and Reco could have done any number of things and the thing he chose to do did not work out for him. Most of these competitors' necks been on the block many times before and he should not be surprised...it was only a matter of time before the guillotine blade dropped but pulling their necks out of the hole of the frame was completely up to them and they failed to do that.

Now, I'll admit that not only am I bald but I'm a whitebread, roundeye, honkey cracker devil like many others and I refuse to apologize for that. I am me without apologies, like it or not but I don't have any guilt over ignorant past-burned fires. The fact that there are those that still hold onto that are as guilty of living in the past as those who still go in search for "them thar minoritees." This is a lot like taking a hickory stick to a dead horse while you are, no doubt, seen as derriere of said horse

Your Race Card is maxed out and I'm just refusing White Guilt payments any further. So is Bravo's cheap knock-off. Deal with that.

My rant along these lines hasn't gotten me banned yet but I'm waiting for that axe to fall.

Right now, I see my mission as kicking in the door, grabbing everyone's drink, downing it, kicking the bathroom door off it's hinges and dropping a load, not flushing...then raping the dog and leaving.

Okay, I sense I've gone too far with that but I don't care. I'm leaving that ball where it was played.