The source of my suffering has changed. Don't get me wrong, the new job has been pretty awesome...with one exception...my feet.
See, it started out like anything else. I'd report for work, do my job and the dress shoes I have to wear would eventually cause the soles of my feet to ache. I always thought my feet had lost their conditioning from when I worked in Louisiana. I'd stand on my feet and walk for up to 12 hours per shift but, now, things were different. After only eight hours here and there, though...the pain in my feet simply intensified.
I'd wondered why this was happening to me. I'd pondered possible medical reasons but put them out of my head just as quickly. I figured that it was just like the Nike ads promised...it's gotta be the shoes.
I tried padded insoles and they only smashed my feet and made the pain so intolerable that I literally took them off during work several times when no one was looking. I ended up taking the inserts out and wearing my shoes a little loosely. That helped but only to a degree. Finally, I bit the bullet...I was just going to have to get new shoes. I grabbed some Dr. Scholl's shoes at WalMart and put the padded insoles into them. It worked like a charm. They're still not as comfy as the SWAT Team style boots that I love but they're much better than hard soles on a hard floor.
Sales have been going pretty well. I'm getting the hang of this retail thing. I'll be honest, I haven't done this kinda junk in over ten years and all I'd ever sold was tires way back as a greasemonkey but now, the whole game has changed. Right now, I've got my eye on a fire-engine red video camera for YouTube/Google Video projects but money won't permit. I've also got my eye on a nice laptop for Misty. I'm sure she'll love it. She's played with her mom's laptop so much, she might as well be the one to own it. Her own mom won't even play with it because she doesn't really understand computers. Things at home have been a little strained because I've been at work so much. That's to be expected, I suppose. I mean, it's not like I'm at home all the time in the cube anymore.
For those of you wondering about the show...well, I'm a little curious about that myself. My schedule still isn't as regular enough to even do a show and I'm still learning about podcasting through iTunes. To be honest, I barely have the time to do this blog much less anything else. What little extra time I have is spent trying to keep up with things around the cube.
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Date: May 16, 2009
Day before yesterday, I called back to Louisiana to check in with the family. Naturally, it was small talk as usual until Mom asked me if I remembered my old friend, Faith.
Let me introduce you to Faith. She was a young woman, short in stature but with hair that was just "a little too red" by the standards of some. She had the broadest smile that would turn adamantium into butter in an oven and would stop tanks in their tracks. That smile would win me over every time. She also had a heart of platinum.
Why do I say that? Well there was that nasty business back in high school that spread all over the town like the fires of Hell with demons running in gasoline underwear. She'd been one of the popular kids in school and had been given "fair warning" about me and how dark I could be. Not that she gave a shit. When she wanted to meet and know someone...that's what she did. She wasn't the type to take everything everyone told her as gospel. That's how I met her.
At great risk to her own reputation and even the ruin of some friendships, her and I became close friends.
During my senior year, we both had creative writing class together and I was having a helluva time. I was a heavy comic collector at the time and Curse of The Spawn was among my favorites but that fourth issue was elusive and I had to get my hands on a copy before the month was out. During Christmas that year, I was at wits' end trying to find this issue when she presented me with a gift; that ever-elusive fourth issue. Needless to say, such a contribution to my collection was one that forever sealed that friendship. Well, if her defense of me to her social circle wasn't enough to cement it, this would definitely be the drying agent and the other part to the binary epoxy that not even the hottest solar flare would melt.
Our friendship never progressed into a relationship though some swore that it had. We lost touch when she'd moved. Last I'd heard of her, she'd gotten married and had two little girls. He must be one helluva guy and he's damned lucky. That's what I always thought. The friendships she made were lasting and nearly unbreakable...unless you did something to fuck it around.
Back to the call. When I got the news, I stood there in a state of shock. Seems things have a way of coming back to bite you in the ass.
My last walk in Louisiana brought me past the house in which she'd lived as a teenager and I'd thought about possibly tracking her down and catching up with her but I told myself that I didn't have time. I still had to pack. I couldn't stop even for a minute. How fucked is that? Someone who put her entire reputation on the line for something like a friendship with me and I couldn't spare a fucking minute or two?
That came back to me. She was dead. Gone. One of my best friends in the world was gone forever and I didn't have the time.
It was then that I caught myself thinking the one thought that was most disturbing to me. All those people who couldn't take two fuckin minutes to listen to her...all those who said all those evil things about me and then tried to pin some guilt by association on her...why couldn't it have been one of those sick evil fucks?
Normally, I'd think that perhaps it should have been me after all the self-infliction but no, it had to be her. Needless to say I was in a fury once the shock had subsided.
It was breast cancer that claimed her. It had spread to other parts of her body and had killed her. Normally, I wouldn't wish this disease on my worst enemy but here I was wishing that it had been any one of those worthless wastes of life instead of her. I don't care if they'd changed, it would serve them right. I hated them all but mostly, I missed my friend. Had it not been for her, I'm not really sure how I would have handled some of those situations I found myself in.
I could write an entire diatribe about how all of them deserved what she got and didn't deserve. I could do that but I won't. Even though I'd like to see them all suffer and cold shoulder every plea for forgiveness that they issue forth, I don't think that now is the time or place for it. My only hope is that they count themselves as I do. I count myself lucky that I knew her. I count myself lucky that she chose to do what few did. I hope that they all carry on her courage and her kind nature
It occurs to me that the gears on this post did dramatically shift gears but, I suppose that's how it is when a post is not finished and you have to come back with the worst news ever.
Faith, I'm sorry that I didn't at least try to catch up with you. Just know that you'll always be someone I held near and dear to me and that I'll miss you. Just understand that my anger is partially because I hate what others did to you because of me and partially because I hate myself for not doing the right thing when I had the chance.
