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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Episode19: Cagerattler

So I'm in one hell of a pickle here. I can't do live radio because my schedule is about as wonky as it gets. I can't do podcasting yet because I don't have the equipment and, to top things off, I have lots to rant about.

It seems the thin-skinned have taken over The Nationwide Idiot Box and, quite frankly, I'm sick of it. The adjoining boards are filled with people whining and pissing and moaning about shit that just simply doesn't matter. So, I've decided that, since I don't have a punching bag yet, it was time to start doing what I do best...rattling cages.

If it's one thing I've been hearing about incessantly it's about Bravo TV's message board. I decided to slip on the ninja mask and go in. Deep cover mission and the objective was simple: Get Banned or Get a show on Bravo where I verbally abuse my choice of guests and get paid to do it. I let a typing equivalent of verbal diarrhea go.

Now, I won't go into great detail and bore you with it all but if it's one thing I hate it's when people play the race card. It's fucking stupid and it's irresponsible.

Yes, I'm sorry but your Racism Platinum Card has been declined...apparently it's maxed the hell out.

Look, it's really simple, folks. Claiming that Bravo is racist is about like calling George W. Bush intelligent and reliable.

Suck it up, rise above it. Life isn't scripted. It doesn't always go the way you planned. To pass the buck by playing the race card yet again is about as responsible as letting the TV babysit your kid and, we see what happens when that's let go. It's about as responsible for passing the buck to rock n' roll and Dungeons and Dragons for your kid's interest in Satanism and suicide. If your kid killed himself or someone else because of what Gene Simmons had to say then he had it coming. Something was going to get that kid. A Delinquent tax return or a Bravo rerun...something. Doesn't matter what. Count it as a lost cause.

Now we can blame others or some intangible reason that our "hero" didn't win on a million different things but I prefer to go with the judges' decisions whether I agree with them or not, nothing will change them. You had to expect this from Bravo's inability to effectively deal with and hold onto one of their golden calves but I digress.

Look, blame it on genetics. Blame the president. Blame urine-poor timing or one bad stitch, death, hell, love and salvation...just one fix.

Sorry, had a Ministry moment there.

Two things are for certain...First rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club and Reco could have done any number of things and the thing he chose to do did not work out for him. Most of these competitors' necks been on the block many times before and he should not be surprised...it was only a matter of time before the guillotine blade dropped but pulling their necks out of the hole of the frame was completely up to them and they failed to do that.

Now, I'll admit that not only am I bald but I'm a whitebread, roundeye, honkey cracker devil like many others and I refuse to apologize for that. I am me without apologies, like it or not but I don't have any guilt over ignorant past-burned fires. The fact that there are those that still hold onto that are as guilty of living in the past as those who still go in search for "them thar minoritees." This is a lot like taking a hickory stick to a dead horse while you are, no doubt, seen as derriere of said horse

Your Race Card is maxed out and I'm just refusing White Guilt payments any further. So is Bravo's cheap knock-off. Deal with that.

My rant along these lines hasn't gotten me banned yet but I'm waiting for that axe to fall.

Right now, I see my mission as kicking in the door, grabbing everyone's drink, downing it, kicking the bathroom door off it's hinges and dropping a load, not flushing...then raping the dog and leaving.

Okay, I sense I've gone too far with that but I don't care. I'm leaving that ball where it was played.
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Monday, August 17, 2009

Episode 18: What Caused The Fall of The Empyre?

The Emperor His Own Bad Mothafuckin Self Did.

That's right, folks. The Genocydal Empyre is gone. Dead, gone, fallen, forever. It's all over. We're hanging up the whole damned mess.

Now the question that has been on some minds. Why?

We all felt it was time to move on. The Genocydal Empyre and it's subsequent versions (2.0, 3.0 and Omega) had become a living, breathing thing and it was just too damned big for us to do anything with it.

When I moved out of Louisiana, I vowed that it would be time to start a new life. It was time for a new adventure and I launched without too much in the way of hesitation. Lots of elements of my old life went bye-bye on the road.

First among them, I don't live in a house where I can get completely loud and blast off like I used to. I'm in this cube with paper-thin walls. I'm sure the dude upstairs won't mind, he has pretty good taste in music. The dude across the hall wouldn't exactly care either but I'm sure our neighbor above him might mind a bit and, as is the unwritten rule of larger cities. you don't step on anyone's toes and you stay out of each others' way.

The Genesis of The Genocydal Empyre was a culmination of talk radio shows that I'd been doing and rock shows that I was convinced weren't being done the right way. I wanted to do everything my way...even if only for self-entertainment. I never thought so many of you would be on board and I was not only surprised by your support but I was honored. For all the bands out there who hopped onboard this one-way bullet train to hell, I thank you for believing in us and giving us the opportunity to support you. I found a lot of you worked your asses off and made far superior music than any corporation has ever pushed. For all the listeners who returned and continued listening to my tirades, thank you. It's because of you that The Genocydal Empyre was as successful as it was.

For bands and listeners alike, I hope that your support will continue. Yes, The Genocydal Empyre is over but that doesn't mean a damned thing because we will be unveiling a new project just as soon as we start ironing out details.

As promised, the only detail that we have is that the show will no longer be a live show but will be a podcast instead. The Genocydal Empyre could not be scaled down to podcast level without becoming the biggest disappointment in 'net radio history. I'm simply not leaving you with something low-quality. I brought you only the best music on the internet complimented with the best talk topics and the best weird news. There's no damn way in hell I'm going to try to shrink it down. The Genocydal Empyre was all about shooting it's ever-open mouth off into space.

The way I figured it, it was just time to grow up and bring it back down to earth.

Don't worry, when it comes to the podcasts, we'll still have all the same shit you've come to love about The Genocydal Empyre but we'll be improving on what we did best and that was have fun.

So, stay tuned. Keep your eyes and ears open and let's see if we can't do better than what we did before.

Again, thanks to all of you for your continued support and I hope to see you guys sooner, rather than later.

Sincerely,
Damien V. Cross, formerly Lord Genocyde
Night City, NJ
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Sunday, August 16, 2009

Episode 17: The Young And The Wireless

I'm currently tweeting, doing Facebook and MySpace all from my phone. Now before anyone gets any ideas in their head, it's not because I'm so stuck on it that I need my phone to do it all for me. It's just a matter of convenience for me. Look, I could take pics with my phone and then strip them off using iTunes and then upload them, post a link and all that shit but the truth is, when you get down to the end of the day, this is what the gadget is made for...making your life easier. It Niiiiice.

So, recently, I went through my phone and deleted a bunch of apps. Most of the apps I deleted seemed like pretty good apps at the time. Looking back on them, I've had them for over a year and I've hardly ever activated them. Now, I don't know if anyone's ever done this but I actually downloaded an app called 1,001 Free Ringtones.


No it's not. It was too late for me to realize that it was actually only 250. I got the lite version. I get the rest when I fork over the money.

Gather 'round, everybody, let us reason together. I am what you call an audiophile. If I like some type of sound, I will listen to it almost ad nauseum to others because I can't fuck it.

I think that might have been a little too much information for the rest of you but fuck it, I don't care.

Let's get back on topic. I make all my own ringtones. I literally take a song I like, run it through a sound program, cut out what I want, reformat it a couple of times through iTunes and pop it onto my phone.

...take THAT Steve Jobs. Only people you're foolin' are those that don't know better.

I know, I know. I can hear what you're thinking, "But Damien, you're ripping off and exploiting artists."

No I'm not. Every tone I've got is from some really good band that corporate labels don't give a shit about. Those people work hard and they have music that I like. I'd fuck every song on the playlist if I could. Audiophile, people...audiophile.

I started running through some of the tones on this app and then, I found myself thinking "Shit, I could make better sounding tones than this!"

So why didn't I delete this app? Because now I have ideas! Sure, I've got some really cool tones that not many others have. I did stick both CTU tones from the TV series 24 on my phone. That was fun in Louisiana when I was in line at Dairy Queen.

Understand that there was nothing sinister going on except the local yayhoos deciding that they's listen in when someone would contact you at the wrong time. Let me give you an idea of what would go on during one of those scenarios.

*standing in line when CTU ringtone sounds*

*Pick up*

Cyber Terrorism Unit...what? Aw Fuck, you're kidding. No....no....li....listen....listen to me, goddammit! I told you not to install that. Now, you've got the whole infrastructure exposed over your damn love of video games.

I don't give a shit if it is an evolved version of Asteroids, I told you to hook that shit up to the breakroom TV. Yeah, well, guess what? No, I DO have my computer on me but I'm getting something to eat. Haven't eaten all day because of that one clusterfuck you caused. Yeah, well, you better hope none of our enemies notice in the next ten minutes or you're going to be publicly blamed for this one.

*hang up*

Naturally, this would cause a small group to come by my laptop to see my Matrix screen saver going when I'd come back from my bathroom. I loved watching the villagers in Darwin's Waiting Room, Louisiana squirm.

This is what I love about New Jersey. I really have to step up my game. I can't recycle all my old humor here.

I think I've just ventured farther off topic than ever and it's a wonder you didn't pull the plug on that fuckin' bit.

I've been up too early for this shit.

Technology has become a modern miracle. Remember back when a mobile phone was the size of a brick? You could literally build a city out of how many of these things were produced. Then, there were the phones that had the little flip out panels and kept you from accidentally pressing a key at a bad time. Next were the phones that were about the size of a modern cordless phone and then phones that could support video games and so on so forth until now, you can literally play games, read full-length books, call someone, use the internet and send pictures back home almost immediately.

Technology also illustrates that you can't fix stupid. It also has this uncanny ability to bring out the stupid in everyone. Some more than others. At times, I'd swear that technology only makes more people dumber and dumber by the minute.

Sure, many times over, gizmos will be available to make life much more easy.

I'm afraid, try as we might, it won't fix stupid.
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Saturday, August 08, 2009

Episode 16: Sound, Fury And Signal

Days at The Church have gotten better but not by much. I still have people coming in knowing full well that there are just some questions they shouldn't bother asking.

See, I have a high tolerance for ignorance but a low tolerance for stupidity. Let me just clarify the two for you so that you completely comprehend the very things that I'm going to write about tonight.

Data Transmission Available...

Definitions File Loading...

Ignorance: A state suggestive of an oblivious nature to information on certain subjects.

Loading....

Stupidity: A state suggestive of an oblivious nature to information on certain subjects willfully induced and enforced by current desire to know less than the person to whom you are speaking. (B) A belief system that one knows all but cannot perform simple tasks based on said knowledge.

Data Transmission Complete...

Okay, got that? Gooooood! Attempting to appeal to people on any sort of level sucks. Don't get me wrong, I love my job with an intensity never before experienced. I love the whole electronic aspect of my job. I get to play with shit and then deliver my sermons. We're in a pretty wealthy area but I have never met so many uptight yuppies in my entire life. Honestly, the only thing I'm not worried about is the place being robbed when I go in. The laser-guided security system goes apeshit whenever I get in thirty minutes earlier than normal. Half of the time, I find more people impeding my progress than a protest crowd at a PETA convention.

The other half of the time, I'm asking myself, "What can this bit of electron heaven do for me?"

That's when a Revelation hit me...I've been relying too heavily on the higher-end equipment. I recently came across a radio that operates by crank or solar power. Built-in flashlight, dynamo crank, AM/FM and weatherband...this one has it all and I can charge my phone with it. Not only that but it's smaller than one of those AM/FM/Cassette Players. It's one of the best "Doomsday" tools ever devised. When the computers shut down, communication from the disembodied voices will still come through because this isn't one of those digital tuners. Even the AM channels are sounding better these days.

The conversion to digital signal in radio was far better than the whole TV conversion idea. I can't remember where but I know I read that it's now required by law for people to have an emergency radio. That's fine. Too bad they couldn't do the same with radio that which they did with TV.

I spent the first night with this small device, listening to it but I already only have one problem with it, every time I turn it on, the FM rock station is playing fuckin' Nirvana. Not that I don't like Nirvana but don't you think that's a little spooky? Each time I've turned it on or tuned into the rock station, Nirvana plays.

I also tuned in to AM Radio for a little while. I now know I can get on the air but I'm going to be confrontational about it. I had to listen to this real numbshit broad drone on and on ad nauseum about how marijuana is a gateway drug. She was literally going Chapter And Verse Biblically speaking, illustrating how evil marijuana is. Oh, it's a gateway drug and it's ooooohhhhh so addictive. Yeah, yeah, yeah, what the fuck ever.

I'm sick of these idiots on my airwaves trying to pass on that bullshit to me. Okay, but I'll bite this old hook. It's first-term Clinton Programming anyway. It should be rusty enough to be brittle. I've smoked it on several occasions and never felt an absolute need for it. The cancer rate this woman droned on about was one I could have taken her on with shit right off the top of my head. It was very obvious that this woman was only using the marijuana issue as a moral argument and that was another point. I want to know every deviant act she's ever done through her life from others who have known her objectively. I guarantee her moral standing is actually lying the fuck down. She's already lying about marijuana and not conducting the studies herself. Aside from being irresponsible, she's also dishonest and telling people what they want to hear. The blind lead the stupid and you can only get that on her show which is a radio equivalent to Darwin's Waiting Room.

Remember, those who despise people who are involved in a spiritual belief system of any type and I'm only offering this. Don't blame me for what you hear on shows like that. Obviously, this woman has been hurt. Someone wouldn't share their stash or she's never done it enough to know what the benefits are and I implore everyone to feed her a batch of hash brownies to show her that it's possible to use it without smoking it. That was her only focus was the smoking of it.

Such primitive concepts were what built this world. Sure, in the world of communications, the radio was the first news center, the first entertainer. It was a pioneer and it was innovative. The only problem was that it was never interactive until hosts started taking mail, then phone calls and now, the 'net has taken over but, sometimes, the old standby works when the new technology craps out.

Communication was what the first radios were all about. Getting word out without having to wait for a hard copy newspaper written by elitists. Now we have the news read to us by elitists. Sadly, it's not enough. I still love radio. Radio will serve us in order to keep us from being total dumbasses if we just listen to it if we can put some voices of dissention on the air once or twice.

This is where the 'net triumphs and always will.
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Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Episode 15: Network Brainwashing

If ever there was a shred of doubt in your mind that Mind Control exists in America TODAY, then allow me to totally shit on your precious little fantasy that everything's okay and cable TV is not trying to brainwash you. They are. It's a sinister plot and I have the total proof. All I needed was one night and bang...it happened.

I can't stand much of anything that comes out of Bravo TV. I just can't. The Real Housewives of Anywhere makes my stomach want to go into varying stages of dry-heaving, The Fashion Show makes me want to go find the first coke dealer and O.D. and all of those other reality shows make me want to take a spoon to my wrists in the hopes of committing suicide.

The only show that I could only really take and congratulate the contestants on was Top Chef Masters. These guys show that not every Master Chef has a great day. The difference between those chefs and other contestants...they don't resort to childish bullshit. I guess that's what makes them true culinary masters.

Look, it's really simple to figure out here, everyone. It's no secret that my television programming these days is about as devoid of testosterone as a symposium of nuns being catered by The Amish. I haven't seen any wrestling but one time since I've moved. I didn't get to see any once the roomies moved in in Louisiana because I had to endure (while trying to drink myself to death) I.Q.-ravaging shows like My Sweet Sixteen or some bullshit like that. I never said a word about any of it.

One U.F.C. match per week would suffice. Is it any wonder why a guy like me who doesn't care for sports doesn't mind ESPN at work?

Now, since my exposure to TV is severely restricted, I think I'm going to go with both of those networks as examples.

First, let's take ESPN. Nice call on Steve McNair...boneheads.

Steve McNair, found shot to death with an unidentified female. They mentioned he was married. I think even Nostradamus came up with a prediction to that ending.

The next day...Steve McNair was shot by his girfriend in a murder/suicide.

Why do I remember that with such clarity? Because it was run over and over and over again. Michael Jackson's death up to the minute? He's Still Dead!

Tonight, the same episode of Top Chef Masters was played, I'm not kidding, three consecutive times.

Look, let me fill you networks in on a little something mkay? I don't need to see the same thing three times in a row. It's really quite easy to understand. I don't need a network to be that repetitive...I fucking get it okay?

There's only one reason for this type of repetition and it's something straight outta Orwell's writings. Brainwashing is the name of the game.

It's the reason that mantras and other types of chants work so well. Repeat something long enough, and soon, everyone will believe it.

Am I wrong? Am I off the mark here?

Okay. In that case, if you're glued to the same show three times, then you really need to reexamine your priorities. If you see it only once and it reruns, then change the channel. I don't need it running in the background. If you visit the boards relating to those shows and you need a show reference that badly, I have two words for you...

YOU TUBE!!!!
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Monday, August 03, 2009

Episode 14: The Killer's Last Stand

I'm done doing battle. It's finished and over. I'm now hardwired in and cruising at maximum velocity through the datastream. I'm howling along the superhighway at a speed yet unrecognized by anyone on the planet.

The past week has been marked by frustration. The eMachine died and I'd ordered a Dell. From the technical specs, this would have been the best one yet.

Let's get down to business. First, I got the machine in and popped the hood. The only piece of hardware that I could effectively transpose was the sound card. That meant my secondary hard drive would not fit. Nor would any of my other optical drives. Imagine my frustration at that.

Okay, no problem. I would just have to get an adapter for my hard drives. Second, program installation became a daily ordeal. Vista had it's problems, sure, but never like this. Installing each program only caused me to have to reconfigure settings, experience computer lockup and, worse yet, once I installed Audition (my sound editing program), the whole thing locked up like a kid with epilepsy and had a meltdown.

My laptop has the same version of Vista and the worst that's ever happened to it was a color scheme incompatibility. Not that that was ever that huge of an issue...at least it still worked. With the Dell Studio 540, the whole system went sideways. The taskbar reverted to a Windows 98 look and most of my programs vanished. It was as though they never existed.

By day four, the thing was blue screening and crashing on startup.

The day before, I'd called Tech support. I'd bought the computer within the allotted time frame and it did have Vista Home Premium, I should have been able to upgrade to Windows 7 for free.

Nope, not even. Apparently, there was going to be hardware driver issues with that operating system.

It's things like that that make me want to randomly scream the word "FUCK" at random.

I mulled it over at work on day four and when I got home, I thought about just biting the bullet and working with it. That's when it started blue screening.

Long story short, this thing simply won't work for what I need it to do. I was lead to believe it would, Strike One. I was also the victim of the unannounced fifteen percent restocking fee, Strike Two. Then, there was the unannounced fact that I'd get my money back on it THIRTY DAYS after the computer is returned. Strike. Fucking. Three.

Keep in mind, the whole time this is going on, I've got some tech guy telling me that he's going to be working on getting me a replacement. Now, I don't even want to deal with them anymore. I'm already of the mind that if I find the first motherfucker that works for this company or see one of those irritating Lollipop commercials ever again, I'm going to destroy the TV that displayed it or pop the shit out of the employee for the irritation they've caused me.

This technician called me back while I was on the road Sunday to tell me he'd come to save the day. I told him I'd already taken care of the problem. Today, some chick from Dell calls me at work to tell me that I'm eligible for a heavily discounted computer.

Okay, look. You can knock some cash off of the price if you want but you know damned good and well that the damn restock fee will make up for that so fuck no.

The night that I started repacking the computer, we'd found an HP with....ready to be sick?

*taking in a deep breath*

750 GB Hard drive, every card reader ever concieved, a lightscribe optical drive (meaning that I don't have to transpose the other one that I own) 8GBs of RAM and an AMD Phenom Quad-Core Processor.

I'm currently sending my office chair off to have a crash harness and rollbar installed. Now, the litmus test came tonight when I installed Audition. Guess what? Nothing. It works. I can't stick any of my old shit into this thing but really, would I need to?

Dell seems to be of the mind that their shit doesn't stink. I'm here to prove otherwise. Once I'm done installing all the shit I'm installing, I'm going to make damned sure that no Dell computer ever sees the light of ownership in this household ever again.

The job is also undergoing a reimaging. We are now simply known as The Church and a new Bible was issued. There wasn't much to it and the video from our Pope only proved one thing...he could have been a candidate for the Blue Man Group. Lots of propaganda has been issued but not much else has happened.

Recently, at The Church, a couple came in with questions about a possessed laptop screen. I told them that I was afraid the news was dire. It sounded like a hardware issue. The same hardware issue prior to my computer dying. Apparently, they went with a Dell too and, according to them, Dell's tech support services used to be nothing short of awesome but now, they've gone to hell.

eMachines can't handle my workload, Dell can't handle a simple request, and HP just kicked both off the top of the mountain...in only two days no less.

HP/Compaq...it's the only way to fly.